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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Villagedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shmuzzelle
    ASL Info:    20/girl/canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 261/134/30
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 323
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1015



    Description:
       I know this kind of sucks, but it's what came out of my head. Go figure.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Villagedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A tiny village reside
    below the kingdom.
    Improverished farmer's fields
    yield nothing.
    No cows for the cows to graze,
    no potatoes for the family to eat.
    Nothing except for weeds.
    They call upon the King,
    asking him for help through
    the harsh winter.
    The King abandoned them,
    he thought his own pain
    waas enough to deal with.
    His wife died while giving birth,
    the child days afterward.
    His most loyal servent
    had been stolen by
    the neighboring kingdom.
    The village died off that winter
    all at the hands of the King.
    For if he had provided the with food,
    or coal for the fire, they might have lived.
    Instead, he did nothing.
    He played God and left them to die.
    The next winter he had to no meat,
    for the cattle died with the village.
    Karma set its wrath upon the King
    and before bring he was burried
    with the village.




    Submitted on 2005-04-03 18:01:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hope you don't mind...I'm gonna be a bit nitpicky, since you left your thingy Unspecified, hehe. Please don't think me harsh and judge the comment before you read through it all.

    >> No cows for the cows to graze -> Did you mean grass there? Never heard of cows grazing cows...
    >> the child days afterward -> I do believe you meant, the child "died as well" days afterward. That or something else would make it easier to understand.
    >> The next winter he had to no meat -> the next winter, he too had no meat?
    >>and before bring he was burried-> before spring?

    Just those little thingies, hehe... A very moralizing story! Do to others as you would have them do unto you. Well thought of and nicely crafted. Would be funner to read without the little spelling mistakes, but i'm sure when you edit it, you'll pick those up! (i hate editing, it takes an eternity)

    keep up!
    drika
    | Posted on 2005-05-02 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      This is cooll... but yo uneed to check your spelling. It was hard to understand what you were saying in a few things... like
    "the child days afterward."

    "...he had to no meat,"

    "and before bring he was burried"

    never knew there was a season called 'bring' . It was ok with the story telling but there prolly could be more. Work just a little harder and this could be reallly cool.

    thanks for the read!
    keep it up.

    <3 maki
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]



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