[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Go away!dots

    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1045
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 772

       this poem was written in the middle of the night last night because of stress as well as my 7th sense. You know how every one has 5 senses and some people have a 6th? Well I have a "7th sense". I call it this because even though someone told me about it, I sensed a presence always near me, following me even. Kind of like how dogs can see or sense ghosts? that sort of thing. I'm not sure what they want but I do know that they don't want to kill me (at least not yet) cause if they did they would have already. :/

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGo away!dots

    A sound in my ear
    That won't go away
    A hole in my heart
    That's darkness will stay
    A pain in my mind
    That won't make my day
    GO AWAY!

    A silent whisper
    That's loud in my heart
    A little "sorry"
    That won't make you part
    A hopeless status
    You're worse than a fart
    GO AWAY!

    Set me free from this dungeon
    Set me free from this trap
    Help me find someone bright
    Who will give you a shock

    A sound in my ear
    That won't go away
    A hole in my heart
    Who's darkness will stay
    A pain in my mind
    That will go, oh! I pray
    GO AWAY!

    Submitted on 2005-04-03 18:08:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      They can't kill you. That's the good news. They can try to convince you to commit suicide though or make you wonder if you're going crazy.

    Does it follow you around only in your house, or does it follow you other places? If just in your house, apartment, whatever- moving would solve the problem, though of course that's not always an option.

    Sometimes these things (entitities, spirits, whatever you want to call them) can come from other people. Some people are like a magnet for this kind of stuff...I could tell a really fu.cked up story, but I'd use to much room here.

    Anyways, saying "go away" though I've been told works, never worked for me. Moving did...and staying away from a particular friend, though he insisted on it. Nicest thing he could have possibly done for me.

    Could also be someone you knew who has unfinished business. I used to drink to block it out, though I don't reccommend that.

    I like the fart line, I think it's funny. Comic relief for a very serious subject. "That won't make my day", I don't like that line as it automatically makes me think of Clint Eastwood. *cringe*
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
      I can almost relate to this poem as well... I don't know what your 7th sense is about or what's following you but I hope it doesn't harm you in any way and I hope for your sake that it does go away!
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ummm- that is still a 6th sense. Technically- that is what it means- intuition of seeing the ded- lyke that little b@stard in the movie. A 7th sense would be the ability to perceive all possibilities and realities. If you want to get technical... Now, thys poem was damn good, for serious. BUT- that fart lyne has to go. It takes the whole piece down to a sophomoric level that you do not deserve. Because you are leaps above any other writer in your age group. So, I hope you consider that small change. Thys is a great submission...

    Okay- now- so? Ummm- how do you figure me an alcoholic? I am only 25, yes- and I am a fu<kiní rocker! I love to drink- so what? I party hard. Iím sober now- was yesterday too. I donít drink alone and I never drink out of brown paper bags. So- I think Iím all good. Your concern is touching but way off base.

    Peace, love and lotís of swxy, drunken, lesbian whores- Dat nigga Six...
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked how you ended the poem with the beginning stanza..it ties this piece up very nicely..but it seems as though some of the rhymes were a little forced..such as the one about the fart..i hope that you dont take offense to it..it is just a little hard to read with words that seemed so forced..but it really is a good piece because ALL humans go through this at one point or another..
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats strange.. Thats really awkward. Uh so this is bad. I wwas gonna say if it was someone talking to you, maybe it would be God. But i doubt God would want to scare you, or give you a hard time like this..
    Well is your house old..? Cuz maybe someone died in it, and went through some kidn of torture, and its taking it out of you.. or maybe it wants you to get a message.. of some sort...
    cause I hear like kinda stories like these before, but not as a 7th sense.. It seems like a situation that you wouldn't want to be in.. Usually if it was a kind spirti and you say go away it would.. but maybe if you say go away in a nice way it will. Or say that its scarying you.. cause I kno someone who did that, and it left them alone.. Unless they were making it up..
    well Idk.. pretty creepy

    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      That sounds like the Holy Spirit..your seventh sense, I mean.
    Read Romans chapter 8.
    Leave out the line about the fart. replace it with something less "funny".
    | Posted on 2005-04-03 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]