Description: This is actually two different poems but they're together for a reason
Misusing love & My Sandwich -------------------------------------------
How often do we really love what we claim to love some times?
Like I love that shirt, I love that hat, I love those silly rhymes
The repetition of that word makes it often seem untrue
So that it may not have the same effect when saying “I love you”
So instead of using love in the place of enjoy or even like
Wait until there’s importance there and the emotions truly strike
A sonnet about “The Sandwich” I love
Oh I love this sandwich oh yes I do
But how can my sandwich love me back
It’s the greatest sandwich I ever knew
The most perfect and beautiful meat stack
But soon I will have to eat this great thing
Whose making has taken so very long
I sit and think what sadness it will bring
When my great sandwich is so very gone
Must I eat what I am so fond of now?
Though delicious and tasty you must be
No, no I can not eat one such as thou
But for food my stomach cries out to me
Could I make a new sandwich for my snack?
I’ll take my great sandwich and put it back!
Now I am free to comment. This piece even made me laugh the second time I read it. The title's affective because I thought you meant misusing the sandwich which really sounded queer. Perhaps eating it would have been a misuse of it though. It's obvios why the two poems are together and if not for the humour brought on by the second, the first would be considered... deep.
I'm not sure which type of sonnet you intended 'The Sandwich I Love' to be, but apart from lacking iambs, the piece also lacks pentametre. Okay, that's being harsh since there's only one line missing a syllable. Line two: "But how can my sandwich love me back". So add a syllable there and delete the space between "can" and "not" in stanza three.
I love these poems . . . lmao, just kidding, but I do like them very, very much :)
First of all, congratz on the subtle yet not-so-subtle implication of putting these two together. It's a very shakespearian idea to use comedy to underline more serious themes . . . I am a notorious fan of shakespeare, just so you know . . . you will get used to me referencing him . . . on the other hand, it is fair that I would compare your style to his, lol.
It is kind of funny how people say love much too often . . . I don't think I over use it, but then again I never really paid that close attention to my own speech patterns.
In the first poem, the epigramic form of the last two lines is something I applaud. People on ES seriously underestimate the advantages of using different forms (again, that is why I am particularly famous as the "formalist [censored]," lmao).
I like the sonnet form, too. Usually sonnets are more serious, and epigrams are 'heavy' - I am impressed that you thought to reverse these ideas.
You have a new fan, it seems . . . this is going in my 'favorites' list :D
This was very original of you to do and I liked that... I don't really agree with the others...saying I like this one better or that on is funnier...because that is not what you were trying to do...compare the poems...you were using them to prove a point. A very thought provoking point. That we often use the word love like we would use the word cool. I agree that the world love should not be abused or over-used so that we can save it for a moment we treasure. Rubi
Ok, I'm gonna be strange and say I liked the first one better. It was a bit funny to me (becuse I'm crazy) and with the 2 one I've had my sister do that until the food grew mold and came alive under the bed. ¬_¬ But both where really good. Keep it up... please?
lol. the first poem was thought provoking and the moving on to the second, I soon find myself laughing out loud as there seems to be a subtle mocking of the superficiality of love. i like the way you juxtapose and parallel the two poems which is at once similar and different. your consistent rhyme and rhythm makes the 2nd poem good for easy reading and enjoyment! but i wish there cld be more written for the first, it sounds like there cld be more in btwn!