For a moment you channel Hephaestus
Forging boomerang thunderbolts for me to throw
And your wicked smile is beautiful in this half-light
Where were you
When in that crackling, dancing second
We closed our eyes
And knew that when we opened them
Nothing would be ok
But at least it would be different?
Where was I
When I looked away in the cold, sad night
And the distance between our bodies was more
The degree of closeness that we couldn’t let go
Until something struck us down
Like lightning or
Is that we were probably
I couldn’t tell the difference.
A booming laugh echoes off the slopes of Mount Olympus.
Where were you When in that crackling, dancing second We closed our eyes And knew that when we opened them Nothing would be ok But at least it would be different?
crackling, dancing second, beautiful. I think the tie in from the beginning, it ads a certain intellectual class to the piece. Allusions form another layer. I love the paused suspense here:
Half-right Half-dream. Like lightning or Love. Early And Late. Good parallelism. But i feel you've taken the choppy suspence just a milimeter too far, and that this is what makes me poem seem lacking just a tiny little bit. 8.5 out of ten.
I'm very intrigued by your preface, it made me read it a lot slower, trying to figure out just who you were kissing...I'll keep my answer to myself. An excellent write, the references to Olympus absolutely perfect for a poem like this, after all, don't the Gods sit in Mount Olympus playing their little games with we mortals? Very, very nice. Cheers Graeme
very well done. I liked the way youi took a spicific metaphor and worked it into the entire piece. Instead of multible metaphors you created a vision of a singularity. Nicely done, don't think I could have pulled it off. However you have inspired me to attempt something similar, of course with your permission. your friend Ben
i really like this because i actually know what ur talking about! in humanities class we are reading the illiad and the odessey and we are studying greek mythology....thunder plays a big role with the greeks and it is used to bring the voices of the gods to the mortals....i like this poem a lot....good work
hmmmmm very imaginative description of a kiss it takes us through the journey that man went through when his lips first met his loved one truly descriptive and powerful the rhym scheme and flow are not bad making this a beautifuk piece