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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Thunderdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DeadGod
    ASL Info:    20/M/OR
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 61/103/31
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 834
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 978



    Description:
       This was written very early this morning. 4:54 was when I finished it. I thought about working that in, but ran out of room, and the theme didn't fit anyway.

    Sometimes, we do things, and those things are so wonderful we forget that they are probably mistakes in some way or another. This was not one of them.

    Someone reading this poem right now will understand.

    For the rest of you, this is just about a kiss. A slightly illicit, forbidden love kind of kiss.

    I feel way better about this than I should.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThunderdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For a moment you channel Hephaestus
    Forging boomerang thunderbolts for me to throw
    And your wicked smile is beautiful in this half-light
    Half-right
    Half-dream.

    Where were you
    When in that crackling, dancing second
    We closed our eyes
    And knew that when we opened them
    Nothing would be ok
    But at least it would be different?

    Where was I
    When I looked away in the cold, sad night
    And the distance between our bodies was more
    The degree of closeness that we couldn’t let go
    Until something struck us down
    Like lightning or
    Love.

    My guess
    Is that we were probably
    Somewhere between
    Early
    And
    Late.

    I couldn’t tell the difference.

    A booming laugh echoes off the slopes of Mount Olympus.

    --------Padraig C. Nolan
    April 4, 2005




    Submitted on 2005-04-04 10:53:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Where were you
    When in that crackling, dancing second
    We closed our eyes
    And knew that when we opened them
    Nothing would be ok
    But at least it would be different?

    crackling, dancing second, beautiful. I think the tie in from the beginning, it ads a certain intellectual class to the piece. Allusions form another layer. I love the paused suspense here:

    Half-right
    Half-dream.
    Like lightning or
    Love.
    Early
    And
    Late.
    Good parallelism. But i feel you've taken the choppy suspence just a milimeter too far, and that this is what makes me poem seem lacking just a tiny little bit.
    8.5 out of ten.
    | Posted on 2005-09-03 00:00:00 | by Shakirra | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for showing me something beautiful.

    I will never ever forget that night because i learned so much.
    I know that sounds odd... but its true.

    the line
    "nothing would be ok
    but at least it would be different"

    do you think that still stands?
    It is VERY VERY representative of the moment.
    But do you think thats still true? I think things ARE ok, because they're different...

    Thank you, Padraig
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by Dead Weight | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm very intrigued by your preface, it made me read it a lot slower, trying to figure out just who you were kissing...I'll keep my answer to myself. An excellent write, the references to Olympus absolutely perfect for a poem like this, after all, don't the Gods sit in Mount Olympus playing their little games with we mortals? Very, very nice. Cheers
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      very well done. I liked the way youi took a spicific metaphor and worked it into the entire piece. Instead of multible metaphors you created a vision of a singularity. Nicely done, don't think I could have pulled it off. However you have inspired me to attempt something similar, of course with your permission.
    your friend
    Ben
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this because i actually know what ur talking about! in humanities class we are reading the illiad and the odessey and we are studying greek mythology....thunder plays a big role with the greeks and it is used to bring the voices of the gods to the mortals....i like this poem a lot....good work
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by winged_writer_robyn | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmmm very imaginative description of a kiss it takes us through the journey that man went through when his lips first met his loved one truly descriptive and powerful the rhym scheme and flow are not bad making this a beautifuk piece
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]


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