Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: shattered glassdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: winged_writer_robyn
    ASL Info:    16/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 116/162/44
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1024
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 481



    Description:
       i wrote this.....well i really dont know why i wrote this...well i kinda do...i just dont wanna say...yea


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsshattered glassdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A thousand pieces
    Of my glass heart
    Lay shattered at my feet
    A pool of blood
    Becomes the tears
    My heart was forced to weep
    You took my heart
    In your hands
    Never to let go
    But then you took
    The fragile glass
    And smashed it
    On the ground below
    So now they lay shattered
    The thousands of pieces
    Of my heart
    Now they lay scattered
    A thousand pieces apartů




    Submitted on 2005-04-04 11:48:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I too agree the rhyming scheme can be easier to follow. However it might take away from the originality of the piece. You took a subject that has been beat to death by multitudes of poets and poet wannabes and created something fresh and different with the glass metaphor. I liked that alot. very well done
    your friend
    Ben
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      very very well done. the only critique i have is preference...the way you have the lines divided up makes the reading choppy. if that's your intent, then leave it, but if you want it to read a little smoother then combine the lines and establish a formal rhyme scheme.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Shit.. excuse the laguage but i so know what ur saying, a beautiful portrayl of the hopeless romantic and the trials life casts upoin him always doomed to give the heart away only to have it shattered totally... the rhyme scheme beautifully suited to the mood and the flow of the ideas drive the heart close to tears beautiful poem :)
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    52986

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry