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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Broken Facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 799
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 700



    Description:
       This is about my guy friend Justin Hill, he use to write on this site but well I think that the meaning is pretty clear...our flaws are like reflections I guess.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A shadow on your eyes
    Hair falling in your face
    so sick of this disguise
    pretending to feel pain

    I hold this broken mirror out for you to see
    you are nothing just like me

    outwardly so perfectly dark
    from what do you hide
    turning your back on conformity
    and pleasure gleaming in your eyes

    I hold this broken mirror out for you to see
    you are lonely just like me

    a shadow on these lies
    I'm a bit broken myself
    I watch to see if you cry
    and you almost hide your tears

    and I hold this mirror...you turn away
    you see you, another broken face




    Submitted on 2005-04-04 12:18:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is real kool Jaz. It's dark and very forward. I think it's just great how you put the words together like ...

    I hold this broken mirror out for you to see
    You are nothing just like me

    I love that. I could tell this was for Justin just by the way you talk about him. You know...sometimes you make me feel this way? Just wanted you to know. You're still the koolest f*cking chick alive! Stay kool and awesome!
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. To me it's like you're saying to someone who has pretty much thought that they have it worse than you "Hey. Everyone has something going on in there life that they don't like. Get over it." A lot of people need to see that too. Great job.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very powerful looking at your life and seeing what we see sometimes it bothers and other times it makes us feel good your view left us in the middle
    great write and great read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      be careful of the mirror.people dont usually like what they see.and it might ultimatley drive them away
    i know you didnt mean literally,but a feeling and carring person does it usually for their agenda or for an outcome they want
    and yes it would be best for said person
    but like medicine,overdose is detremental
    one persons observance
    i liked this piece though

    toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      Wierd. I like it, though. It's dark, but not overly so. There is something about the way the words flow though that bothers me. I can't really put my finger on it, but it distracts from the poem. Try to work on the meter, make it sound more rhythmic. Work on it, and make it great. It's a good poem. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Areinaka | [ Reply to This ]


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