[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Rebirthdots

    Author: Pyrosis
    ASL Info:    24/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 199/204/35
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 864
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 545

       mkay people.. this one is far different from what your used to.. it's a little experiment here.. if you like it i may submit more..

    i can explain it in more detail if your curious.. this is just an attempt at recording something so i can remember it..

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    familiar voices.. forgotten faces..
    they whisp in and out. a greyish sandstorm

    why did I kill her?
    what did she do to me?

    "I can never forgive you for what you've done..."
    she loved you

    red lightning shattering through this storm
    arcing as if it's the hand of god
    so terrifying.. so beautiful..

    this tempest of souls rains fire upon me..
    will I burn away?
    will another rise from the ashes?

    Submitted on 2005-04-04 14:20:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey mister! In your journal you said this was about reincarnation. Interesting. :) I don't really know if I believe in it or not. I don't dis-rule anything really. Well back to this piece. It didn't really seem about reincarnation to me. I thought it was right before someone died. Like right after they did something, *killing the she in this piece* then thinking about what will happen when they die. :) It's a really abstract write and can go many ways. Good job with this. We need more people trying different things. :) hugs!
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      lol Well good...gives me images...but since you know me and I get confused easily...

    I am confused

    actually my mind is blanking and I can barely think. so you need to tell me what it is about...

    At least I have my images :)

    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice lot of symbolism here, I'll take a guess and think electric chair, cos that's the first thought I had. Condemned to death for murdering his love.
    ""I can never forgive you for what you've done..."
    she loved you"
    Maybe I'd put that part after the "so beautiful", to split the present and the past better, but that's just me, I thought it was very good. Cheers
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Some interesting imagery sprouts from this piece. Nice contrast between terrifying and beautiful. Red lightning, I was going to write a song with that title, never got round to it. This may inspire me further, so thanks, in advance, for posting this.

    The only bits that seemed to be tweakable to me was "sandstorm" and the last stanza. For me, "sandstorm" sounds a bit too violent with everything else in context and I would suggest something like "fog" or "mist" for less violence and more mystery which should be elevated at the start of this particular write in my view.
    The last stanza is certainly tricky, and although I had a few vague idea of what it should sound like I can't really explain it, which means I may as well have left this sentance out. It sounds a bit angry, again, and on the subject of rebirth should sound a bit more positive and reincarnation in a positive view of the post-death experience. That'll have to do.

    On the whole I thought this write was pretty solid and nicely done touching on the subject it did. Nice work!

    If you wouldn't mind commenting on my first write for a long while, that would be great. Cheers.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]