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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Anyonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jcpdandalice
    ASL Info:    16/m/behind the cpu
    Elite Ratio:    7.47 - 158/133/34
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1465
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 474



    Description:
       this is about being with someone that you know you shouldn't spend time with, because you know that truly they dont care anything about who hangs out with them just as long as someone is hanging out with them. its basically about a superficial relationship that you have with someone else, and you can't help but continue your day to day conversation with them.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Anyonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    When should we tear the wire
    That feeds the speaking to and from uncaring minds?
    When should the line be broken?
    Apathy does not warrant my time
    When should the boardwalk crack in half
    To let these hearts drift apart?

    Train tracks of thoughts bust
    From superficial signals
    That say, "Come closer, I need you here"
    When really these actions are but lights that go on and off
    For anyone




    Submitted on 2005-04-04 16:37:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this one. Even if I couldnt relate, Id still love how you put the whole poem together. And the title, which seemed common, really acquired its own identity and meaning after you used it oh-so-appropriately to end the poem...Incredible job!

    "Come closer, I need you here"
    When really these actions are but lights that go on and off
    For anyone


    Couldnt have said it better, or more dramatically. A very efficient and artistic writer's what you are! I completely enjoyed reading this. Love it.
    | Posted on 2007-01-28 00:00:00 | by shatila | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the metaphors you used in this poem.. the tear the wire, boardwalk crack in half, hearts drift apart... But I agree that the 2nd line

    That feeds the speaking to and from uncaring minds?

    should maybe be cut down, it made me stumble a bit, and it seems like you tried to say too many words in one line.
    I like that this poem is short but you still got the point across, and it is a very original style. Great write! I hope to read more from you.
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont know what i think about this poem. I love it and i hate it at the same time. I love it because i understand what you mean, but i hate it because it tells the ugliness of life and what happens so very often. You are a great writer.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice, my dear boy. Made even more sense because I know precisely what you speak of. It's tough to figure out what women are thinking...no one really knows, not even other women. So complicated. Your city imagery was cool, specially the train, which I related to "train of thought" yes?
    It's also obvious you don't want just to let things fade away. Apathy does not warrant anyone's time, or at least it shouldn't. Excellent้.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Dipsomniac | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a good write. One suggestion, try not to decribe the whole poem to your audience...you take the fun out of poetry, the part in which the reader interprets your poem for how they view it, you will get many interpretations, but this only helps you towards improving your writing as you may want to make it more difficult so that it must be thoroughly picked apart in order to understand or maybe even get more creative so that it's meaning is made clear but in a clever artistic way. try describing the mood you were in when you wrote it: it gives your audience a path to start down. you don't want to spell it out for them, it gets insulting. but rather leave things for their imagination and knowledge to interpret. nice write though
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by Tinasha | [ Reply to This ]
      i can relate to this, which is why it made the sense it did to me, I like the way you wrote this...I would have to say that the end and beginning were not fused together too well, the connections were a little tough to find, but thats were the imagination and relation the reader has to the poem comes in. The point of poetry: to in some way or form, make us all think. And thats just what this piece did, I thout it was very interesting, good work

    tony
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
      hey... wow... (pause) ok really good. You made your point i really liked it, for one because i can relate. Sometimes i find myself thinking what the hell im i doing with this person when they dont really care about me, their just bursting to talk to someone to share their problems with and not really nurture a friendship and i feel bad for the both of us for that person calling me a really good friend. But really i enjoyed this especially

    Train tracks of thoughts bust
    From superficial signals
    That say, "Come closer, I need you here"
    When really these actions are but lights that go on and off
    For anyone

    its true sometimes people give off this kind of vibe but i have never been able to express its

    the part that i think needs a little work is the

    "When should we tear the wire
    That feeds the speaking to and from uncaring minds?"

    i would put

    When should we tear the wire
    that feeds the uncaring minds?

    but really its up to you and what makes you feel more comfortable
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, jay, this makes a lot of sense from nothing...that's a good thing...things seem to be falling into place and make sense...i like it...though there are a few parts that lack sense of connection, but it's good...
    nice expression...Bin
    ...this on ly brings me to ask...is it more than just a marriage?(or is that what is trying to figure out)
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by beninbrasil | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... Thsi pice made me rather sad... I know what it's like to need someone and be so utterly alone, but even though that person will call out to anyone, I feel more like I'm calling out for SOMEONE. Someone who gets it, who get me deep.
    But that feeling of the need for connection... It's very powerful, and sometimes we lose ourselves in that need.
    my favorite part was right at the end with "...lights that go on and off/For anyone". It kind of really sums up this person, so desperate for some kind of link to the world.
    I like how you use references to city structures (lights, train tracks, etc.). I've always imaged a big city a very lonely plave at night, and this poem really made that a clear image to me. I imagine this wraith of a person drifting through a city street, calling for anyone out there to see him/her. It's a very strong image for me, personally, whether it was your intention or not, and I felt a very deep connection with that, having been there myself. It has an almost haunting quality for me. I liked that.
    | Posted on 2005-04-04 00:00:00 | by WolfStar | [ Reply to This ]


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    53021

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