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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Prophecydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1064
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 575



    Description:
       in these dark times we seek the dawn through the stars of the heavens, but yet are met with the silent shadows of decadence


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Prophecydots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Silence is so stilless
    watch the prophecy unfold
    when no one knows when death shall come
    or what the wheel may hold

    we labour through this life
    tiny specs of sand
    slowly pushed and pulled away
    by the creators guiding hand

    a farce as it may be
    its the only thing we own
    until the shadows touch our soul
    and we taste that was unknown

    united we shall stand
    and fight the nights away
    until the rising of the sun
    signals the dawning of the day




    Submitted on 2005-04-05 05:12:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The Silence is so stilless
    watch the prophecy unfold
    when no one knows when death shall come
    or what the wheel may hold

    The wheel of life is it? This verse made me think about the bible prophecies.

    we labour through this life
    tiny specs of sand
    slowly pushed and pulled away
    by the creators guiding hand

    I love the last two lines of this. You brought gentlness into the movement of the hand by your choice of words.

    a farce as it may be
    its the only thing we own
    until the shadows touch our soul
    and we taste that was unknown

    This illusion we call reality :). Looking at shadows takes courage doesnt it?

    I enjoyed this in that it triggered off lots of thoughts for me.

    Thanks for sharing
    xxx
    | Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      I noticed flow problems too, as well as some grammar issues (like 'stilless'-not a word, but stillness wouldn't fit in context so I'm not sure what you mean).
    Anyway, enough negatives. This is a good piece of wrting you've got here. It's fatalistic, yet still hopeful. Nice work. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      So a couple of flow problems ...The last lines of the last two stanza's really lost me..."and we taste that was unknown" ....with the way the flow was ....this just didnt quite fit ....Otherwise ...Its beautiful ...A nice tribute to your faith ...Well done ...Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Very vivid in detail and imagery. the flwo can be improved upon. Other then that you created a great poem here. I think for your first stanza, you may want to try this:

    The silence is so captivating
    watch as the prophecy unfold
    We're unaware of death's coming
    or what the future may hold.

    You don't need to listen to me at all. I just thought to offer up a few suggestion. This was very good. And it will be a fav of mine.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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