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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Rides on the Stormdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: C. Starr
    ASL Info:    35/yesplz/State of denial
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 130/196/68
    Words: 813
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 4829



    Description:
       Written in 1994.

    This was written while i was coming down off acid and listening to The Doors. (duh)


    *Shine on you crazy diamond, shine. -Pink Floyd/Wish you were here LP

    *Into this world were born, into this house were thrown, Riders on the Storm, Riders on the storm. -Jim Morrison/The Doors-Riders On the Storm.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Rides on the Stormdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wind, she threatens to blow down my door,
    She screams at me and calls me a whore.
    Lightning, she crashes through my windows...
    And Rain, she promises to tear my house to the ground,
    Am I the only one this cloud hangs around.
    Windy, flashing rainstorm, she runs through my head,
    With whistles and whispers of things you said.
    Noises of destruction, flashing hallucinations...faces placed in clouds.
    I'm so alone, not even spirits dwell in this house.
    God is telling me, 'Face your dellusions, wash away your fears....
    Then love and serenity will appear.'
    But if I get scared and run...oh this rainstorm, she will follow,
    I hide under a tree...and she will strike at my soul.
    If I wander in water, she'll electrify my mind.
    But if I took a second to sense her beauty, it would shock my heart.



    Beautiful moments have passed me by,
    Moments...where I could soar above all others in flight.
    Hair, whipping in the wind...forgetting my sins,
    Misery and fears fly away from within.
    My outlook was faded...a dream state of mind,
    "Shine on you crazy Diamond, shine"*



    This is a piece of eterenally, happy space,
    Now I'm floating off to some other place....
    A wonderful, unknown dimension, this is where I come from.
    It is my homeland,
    Here is where I'm comfortable and life hasn't destroyed who I am.
    I know this is where I'll go to sleep,
    That sweet slumber when you finally feel free.
    And then I will forever, fly at last.
    Everything is beautiful, the clouds and trees and perfect bliss.
    I kiss the gods and bow to the goddesses...for they are the true teachers and warriors through life and death.


    Little dots scattered like broken shells in the sand,
    Lucky four leaved clover won me the prince of all men.
    Handprints...they turn to stone and exist forever.


    Snow...fall on me and let me run through my fields of dreams.....
    Coca leaves and dancing Mushrooms...
    Poppy seeds and fields of Weed.
    LSD that grows on trees and oranges injected with eXstasy.
    Lemon trees watered with PCP and orchards of bags filled with Speed.........and it's only me.
    Oh and Jim....he is singing softly, somewhere in the background.
    Deep in the trees and amongst the clouds...
    Soft, but still loud enough to fill my surrondings....
    As he serenades me...
    "Into this world were born, into this house were thrown, Riders on the storm, Riders on the storm." *
    And we ride alone.....
    He whispers from below.
    Drifting lyrics, words that take your mind and give it a pair of wings....

    Jumping is flying and you don't feel any pain.
    Ya, she rides me and she rides against the wind,
    Forcing me down, making me binge.
    She carries me along, pushing me to score...
    Now she's gone and thrown me off the edge of my hidden balcony, oh well, at least it's one thing I've never felt before.
    Falling past my floating field of dreams.....I scream and plead, what have you done, this isn't what I believed would happen to me....
    And where, oh where is my love that is sweet.
    She assures me he is here with us, she assures me...he always will be. But I can't leave without tasting his skin one more time,
    or catching that smile he flashes on by.
    No...I won't leave here unless he'll follow me.
    But you see I'm falling and his face is fading.....

    Look at all these trips I had planned, Things I wanted to do, The ways I wanted to be,
    Places I've never been and things I forgot I'd seen.
    What have I really done, where is my mark upon this land ?
    I've seen my life as a grain of sand.

    She assures me I will be happy and I can be brave,
    She doesn't assure me, my soul can be saved.
    Even if she said...'Your sins I erase'
    Could I really believe it here, here in this place,
    With all this lost scenery flying past my face.
    God, my life has been a waste.

    So here I dwell in the realm of the unknown,
    With nowhere to go and no place to call home.
    Now...there is not a thing I fear, except my own demons and sometimes feeling bored,
    So everyday..she takes me out and she rides with me on the storm.
    As I whisper from below.....At least I don't have to ride alone.




    Submitted on 2005-04-05 06:31:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      [...]Am I the only one this cloud hangs around. [...]

    I think you forgot a question mark there at the end, hehe. CC, you have a way of ripping out all that is deep inside and laying it out on a piece of paper. Of course, there is always something to patch up. Nothing is ever perfect for everyone. But you've got the raw emotions splayed on this piece.

    I was flying all the way through it (though I'm not particularly fond of drugs). You know those out-of-body experiences? Really intriguing.

    [...]Handprints...they turn to stone and exist forever.

    This verse caught my eye. It gives the sensation of the longing of immortality, though the verse pretty much is based on a couple of moments of pleasure.

    A couple of things I noticed. The complexity of the theme was not quite easy to see through the entire poem. Ups, I don't get that sentence myself. Lemme rephrase. I know you worked on spilling out your gut here, but I couldn't really find a theme in particular to string it through. The title is lovely, but there are some parts I would take out that don't have much to do with it.

    Nice to read more of your work. I always feel something inside me stirring evertime I read something you wrote That good? Hehe...

    :* drika
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by silverdrika | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow umm this was long lol. Length is not that important, it is what is within the poem which matters. Words say everything, not length. I understand that you probably had a lot to say, but this was way alittle long for my tastes. Other than being a lengthy read, this was very interesting to read through. Your use of metaphors is very well done, something I haven't seen in a while. The different stanzas mold good together, but once again, the length brings this down. I was told before that you say more by saying less, by trimming this down a bit, you will still relay your message to everyone.

    Very long poems can get alittle boring after awhile, but even though you were practically writing an epic here, the poem was strong throughout, and it is impressive that you were able to keep it going strong through the whole piece.

    It was a good write, but trim it down if you want to, It would be nice to read this as a poem rather than a book if you know what I mean lol

    Good job
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      Were you trying to pull of an epic or something here? Sorry but I did not pull through to the end of the poem but on a note, would like to tell you that poems, you have to be able to feel the texture and depth of it, and not the width and density of it. Your poem, i felt, was far too dense. 11 years have passed since you wrote this, isn't it high time you tried editing it?

    Granted, your verses gel well, though they were bulky, and your metaphors are resounding and strong. This poem until the part i read, was generally quite well though through, though it could use a little trim. In the first stanza, i felt you could have just used the metaphors of Wind and Rain and stuff like taht without using the pronoun 'she'. It makes the stanza sound weird seeing that there are so many different 'she's. And instead of 'cloud' you could try using storm or any other synonyms of the word, since you will use the word rainstorm on the next verse.

    Sebby
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ]


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