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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Creationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 627



    Description:
       a story of two lovers so far apart and so desperate to be together


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCreationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a time before creation
    before rise of country or nation
    two souls created in the void as one
    their holy union brought forth the sun
    but seering heat tore them apart
    on each side of earth their journey to start
    drawn to each other like magnets afar
    he the silent earth she the distant star
    their life a voyage through raging seas
    to each others hearts they held the keys
    a lonely sailor a distant call
    a journey though started was doomed to fall
    from forsaken ashes burns glorious rebirth
    when that distant star embraces the earth




    Submitted on 2005-04-05 16:49:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This write I really really like
    In this write you speak of something I do with every new day of my life
    I grasp at the sun and let its rays wipe away all the negativity stored inside and then I move forward filling in those spaces with positivity
    I really liked this
    My Friend Please keep writing
    This write is extremely well done
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      that is so romantic and to my surprise i liked it (i'm not much of a girly chick). "you did good". (*giggle* *barf*). in the 5th line you had a slight typo. you wrote "seering" instead of the correct "sheering" (once again srry if i seem too picky). anyways you seem to be a real romantic, so out of sheer curiosity do you have a girlfriend?
    welcome and keep writing,
    Doe
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Shadows life

    Nice poem, I really enjoyed reading it ;0) I liked the flow and the rhymes you have chosen in this particular poem, because it makes it flow well. I would change “embraces”, with “embraced” in the last line ;0) I especially liked:

    “two souls created in the void as one
    their holy union brought forth the sun”

    Nice work ;0)

    Keep writing ;0)

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good! I liked the way you spoke of their love and the imagery you used here. Just tidy up your flow and you are done. I wonder what this would of been like of this was a free verse poem? I think that you would be able to use more imagery and not worry about rhyme, the words would tell these two lovers story in a deeper way. Either way this is good. I'm happy with the way you ended it.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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