I can only say one thing beautiful, its so real I mean (unless Im wrong) to me your using a rose to show a relation ship as it grows and or dies away. The thorns show that love can hurt and each petal as another step to happiness but only it ends as the rose dies and wilts away so will the memories of the love that has been lost but then there comes a time where you feel lost and unable to love again. (please message me if Im wrong and tell me how it realy is cause I like this poem alot I MEAN ALOT, mainly cause I like roses and the way you used them to express the poem) Thanks for writing something good and worth reading.
The truth in this poem is so obvious. The piece is beautifuly written. Eventually every heart freezes against the world. We all die some day and when we get close to that point we block out all else wether it's from fear, contentment, or bliss. Well written, -Sageeriol
Beautiful and depressing at the same time. It's a nice effect. There are a lot of beautiful ideas and emotions that you've started to put into this piece, but as I read it, I felt like a lot of the ideas are more disconnected than they have to be. Ideally, the rose definitely ties everything together, but I feel like you need to bring more of the idea of time into this piece as well.
Time heals all wounds but forever is a long time.
I just want to comment on how true that that stanza is, which is why I found it to be so effective within this piece.
Somehow that same force which brought together lovers will tear them apart, forcing the rose to wilt.
Like everyone else, this seems to be my favorite verse. There's a lot of raw power that you've put into that verse that doesn't seem to be expressed in the other verses. To a lesser degree, the verse before it has a similar degree of emotion, but they're just not as connected together as they could be.
I sense so much potential in this piece, if only for the emotion alone. Beautifully written, and I have to say that I greatly ejoyed this. Thank you for sharing this piece of your soul.
"forcing the rose to wilt." That line, the spacing and placement, was stunning, captivating, spellbinding. The poem doesn't seem to flow in the same degree as some I've read, syllables off and such but overall it enhances the amazment.(sp?)
Hey wildwhild, great job on this. It seems a bit sad though, Aki doesn't want Jess to be sad! Anyways... back to the poem. Aki likes it, she thinks it flows really god and loves the images that it brought to mind.
"A frozen winter- an icebox of protection, where even the tiniest bud's sap is turned to ice, preventing any type of bloom."
This stanza had the most effect on me...wait, eh, my grammar sucks tonight, oh well, you know what I am talking about. The fact that something so precious can be lost in an instant...yet we tried so hard to keep it close forever. Like trying to keep a child from growing up...it always happens...Thinking you will be a kid forever and one day, wow, you have grown up within seconds. The day I found out my mom had cancer, then I get the call that Grandpa does too. Its like an ice cube running down your bare back, someone taking you out of your bed into the dark winter night...You just know things will never be the same...
Sorry, I didn't mean to go into a tangent, or make it about me, uhg, I hate that...sorry...I say sorry too much.
You have talent, which is more then I can say for a lot of people I know. Your poems evoke thought with the first stanza, your stories with the first sentece they draw their audience. I love reading your writing, but I love even more discussing them with you afterwards. Well done, my Jess. I look forward to MANY many more articles of your soul, or just your writing, I can settle for that