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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

stay out


Author: winged_writer_robyn
ASL Info:    16/f/wa
Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 116 /162 /44
Words: 47
Class/Type: Poetry /I hate you
Total Views: 1285
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 291



Description:

to my "dear" sister


stay out


its my life
not yours
stay out
close that door
i dont want you here
so shut the damn door
if i could i would leave
so i wont be near u anymore
get a life
perferably not mine
just leave me alone
stop wasting my time




Submitted on 2005-04-05 17:17:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I get the whole anger vibe when i read the poem. I like the "door" image - the barrier that you want to seperate the two of you. I just feel that it could have been a bit more dramatic if you used capital letters and maybe an exclamation mark or two.
Nadia*
| Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
  DAMN! I havent read such a good f'you poem in...hmmm...lets see...about five minutes. No, seriously, this was a valiant way of expressing your hatred towards another. It seems you just decided to say, "Screw it! Here is how I feel."...and a fine job of that you did. It reminded me of my teenage sibling squabbles with my older sister...but she was only looking out for me, because...she knew and could see my dilemas (sp?). I am having a hard time spelling today, hee-hee. Nice job and thanks for the write.
| Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  I've seen anger expressed in much more powerful ways than just venting like this. It feels impersonal; a really good piece of writing will tell you a lot, through little things, about the person who wrote it. This is really generic. I've got a different view than painofthanatos, I think the message could go somewhere with some elaboration.
| Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
  eek! that's a bit harsh. I'm sorry, but I think this poem was just too much teen angst directed at someone who may or may not *Honestly* deserve it.

As far as the writing goes, you may want to add some punctuation and capitalization, and you had a typo (preferably). The writing itself isn't too shabby, it's just the message...
| Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]


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