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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: stay outdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: winged_writer_robyn
    ASL Info:    16/f/wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 116/162/44
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Poetry/I hate you
    Total Views: 1071
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 291



    Description:
       to my "dear" sister


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstay outdots
    -------------------------------------------


    its my life
    not yours
    stay out
    close that door
    i dont want you here
    so shut the damn door
    if i could i would leave
    so i wont be near u anymore
    get a life
    perferably not mine
    just leave me alone
    stop wasting my time




    Submitted on 2005-04-05 17:17:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I get the whole anger vibe when i read the poem. I like the "door" image - the barrier that you want to seperate the two of you. I just feel that it could have been a bit more dramatic if you used capital letters and maybe an exclamation mark or two.
    Nadia*
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      DAMN! I havent read such a good f'you poem in...hmmm...lets see...about five minutes. No, seriously, this was a valiant way of expressing your hatred towards another. It seems you just decided to say, "Screw it! Here is how I feel."...and a fine job of that you did. It reminded me of my teenage sibling squabbles with my older sister...but she was only looking out for me, because...she knew and could see my dilemas (sp?). I am having a hard time spelling today, hee-hee. Nice job and thanks for the write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I've seen anger expressed in much more powerful ways than just venting like this. It feels impersonal; a really good piece of writing will tell you a lot, through little things, about the person who wrote it. This is really generic. I've got a different view than painofthanatos, I think the message could go somewhere with some elaboration.
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
      eek! that's a bit harsh. I'm sorry, but I think this poem was just too much teen angst directed at someone who may or may not *Honestly* deserve it.

    As far as the writing goes, you may want to add some punctuation and capitalization, and you had a typo (preferably). The writing itself isn't too shabby, it's just the message...
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]


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