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    dots Submission Name: Men dont crydots

    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 41
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1289
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 254


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    dotsMen dont crydots

    A gentle tear falls down his face
    A primal fear time wont erase
    A hopless cause ... a childish dream
    A moments pause before an endless stream
    A mournful wail a breathless sigh
    A timeless tale that men... simply dont cry

    Submitted on 2005-04-06 05:17:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It takes a lot of self confidence for a man to lower his dignity and shed a tear. We are all human and all should be able to release such inner tension through at least one simple tear. I show the most respect to a man that isn't afraid to fight emotion. For them to just let it out and show that they hurt. That they can feel pain just as I.

    Then again....there are those men that know that is a weakness in a woman and will waste a tear for all the wrong reasons. I know that I have en ex that was good at that! LOL! Only worked a few times.....then his bluff was called.

    Great that you could carry out this piece. It was simple yet gave a lot of thought!

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there! Really nice poem! The rhyme and flow are nicely done and the theme is great! I dunno why anyone ever started this men shouldn't cry sh*t. It is a basic human emotion and a wonderful outlet for pain and dispair! Any man who is comfortable enough in his manhood will not be afraid to cry or admit that he does! Anyway, short but sweet and well written! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem is wonderful, hun
    The only problem i see in it is the structure. I used to think that structure doesn't matter and that it's the words that matter. But the structure does affect the flow

    So it should be something like this:

    A gentle tear falls down his face,
    A primal fear time wont erase.
    A hopless cause,
    A childish dream,
    A moments pause before an endless stream.
    A mournful wail,
    A breathless sigh,
    A timeless tale that men,
    Simply dont cry.
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by Nynaeve | [ Reply to This ]
      Wooooonnnnnderful !!.....*pssst* intricate one has a very valid point there...it would be nice if it ended with "Don't Cry" ...just to add the connection from the title to the poem ...Not always needed...But i think it would be a great idea in this peice ...Im glad to see you have so many comments...it really was and is a beautifully short write ....Blessed Be....I look forward to seeing more from you ....
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this. Truer words may never be spoken. I don't think the flow was off as others critiqued. It all flowed nicely to me. Every line started with "A". Bravo.

    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the ending needs work but other than that it is really well written and really makes you think. Overall i think this poem is really good.

    -Selene :-)
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]
    spelling nazi strikes: HopEless, commas please not ... moment's pause

    A gentle tear falls down his face
    A primal fear time wont erase
    A hopeless cause, a childish dream
    A moment's pause before an endless stream
    A mournful wail, a breathless sigh
    A taboo breached because men don't cry

    I'm not sure about the taboo breached, but i didn't like the timeless tale, dig deep tell us what you're saying about it...the man in this poem is crying...has he broken the taboo? does he choke it back because men dont cry? does he turn and hide?

    its good and beautiful and all but i want more.

    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by dioptre | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree, i think that ending it with "dont cry" instead of "simply cant cry" would make this piece remarkable.

    the topic is so rarely touched and close to taboo for men. it seems so often hypocritical that many women say they want sensitive men, but dont want to see the tears. i believe that its a sign of maturity to show this emotion. nice job.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      End it with .. "don't cry" (as in the title) instead of simply can't cry.. and you'll have a great short-poem here. I like the meaning behind it, what it conveys.. how you expressed it in such a few words.

    A good read.

    Take Care!
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      A simple but emotional read. Men are always told not to cry. Well I for one stand up and say, for God sakes man cry...I want to know your human! A good message to all men. I enjoyed your poem. xoxoxo Kate
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Short yet emotional read. It is true, you don't see men reveal their emotions like that all the time. The flow was alittle messed up, but just by simply reading it aloud you can fix that. This is not my poem, it is yours, so you do with it what you will. Nice job, you said a lot by saying little, which is impressive. Nothing I can see wrong with this piece, the flow is off, but it is still a strong short read.

    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      Hrmm...I love this ...The flow is a little shaky for me ...The places i thought caused that were
    Line 2
    And then the last line ...
    "A primal fear time [will not] erase" won't ?
    "A timeless tale that men... [simply dont] cry" can't?

    I was also thinking
    "A moments pause before [the} endless stream"an?

    I understand these are simple words ...And its your poem and your choice....I would suggest just reading it over a few times out loud ..and test the flow again ...Or wait to see what others say ...Those are just my idea's ...
    I loved the meaning behind it ...We raise men to be strong and have no emotions ..Then alot of the times they will seen as "Hard" and "unfeeling" and turned away ....It's sad...
    Well done ...Blessed Be
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad, and unfortunately, all too true for to many men. I disagree with you in your belief that this poem is bad: it's actually quite sad, and strikes quite a response in many people (as evident by the many comments on it). The only suggestion I have to offer is to use a spell checker: your spelling is a little off, and if your spell checker has the capacity to check grammar, even better. Your grammar is also inaccurate: Other than that, I do like this poem a great deal. Good luck writing in the future!
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Ajyra | [ Reply to This ]

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