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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: butterfly waltzdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wilted_
    ASL Info:    20/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 138/110/29
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1120
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 535



    Description:
       just a random piece I wrote in a phase of longing for someone. comments, anyone?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbutterfly waltzdots
    -------------------------------------------


    it was a fleeting moment,
    and now I beg its return.
    like the spring that scarcely embrace its adrift state,
    at once yearning to settle in the
    depths of winter.

    you will never see it the way I do.
    far-away me, barely touching the near you.
    did you not witness the butterfly waltz,
    whose dance linger
    amongst dried leaves veined with creased memories?

    I alone did.
    but flawed the beauty of the spectacle will be,
    with the absence of you.




    Submitted on 2005-04-06 10:56:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is excellent
    you will never see it the way I do.
    far-away me, barely touching the near you.
    did you not witness the butterfly waltz,
    whose dance linger
    amongst dried leaves veined with creased memories
    this stanza was really goood
    ur an outstanding poet god ur so good
    well if u have time check out stuff from an amateur
    ciao
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by anooplokur | [ Reply to This ]
      this sounds so much like something i would write. how many times are we overcome with longing, just to be near someone. this is beautifully and effectively written. your words tell a hazy story that all can relate to w/o being overcome by details. daddy like.
    | Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      And here, I find another well written piece.
    The only thing I might suggest, and this is just personal taste, if you could somehow even the lines out a little, then the form would look a little evener. I especially liked the second stanza.
    Very good job.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice job ....I adore the title ...It screamed at me to come and read this ..and im glad that i did ...
    "amongst dried leaves veined with creased memories" ...this held alot of the meaning behind the poem ....This was abstract ....but not so much that it was frustrating ...Well done ...I enjoyed this
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice imagery and a wonderful subject. The poem was easy to read and had good metre. This is nature poetry interflected with love angst done extremely well. Very good read
    your friend
    ben
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]


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