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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: L'amourdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Prose/Love
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 752



    Description:
       THis is not much in the way of poetry. It is mostly a message of love to my love. Please see it as such. Thanks to all I have met here.
    your friend
    ben


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsL'amourdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The time is drawing so close now
    Soon you will be my wife
    You are about to make me
    A most contented, blissfully happy man

    When I dream of our future
    I shed tears, tears of thankfullness
    Tears of happiness, tears of hope
    My vision is so centered on you

    To have been chosen by such a beautiful
    Loving and giving person, as yourself
    Humbled comes to mind
    Humbled to realize such completeness of my life

    Complete my world as you are my world
    Fill my heart for you are my heart
    Share my life, you ARE my life
    Let me die in your arms an overflowing cup

    Forever will I cherish you
    L'amour du ma vie




    Submitted on 2005-04-06 14:12:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      L'amour de ma vie. du is de and le together. I also take French along with the creative writing. And this is definitely a poem even though it may not be like some of your others. It's beautiful too. Excellent piece of writing and a wonderful way to say I love you.
    | Posted on 2005-04-09 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      a very sweet declaration of love. i like it when a man can admit to crying and isn't ashamed of it. would that all men were like this. i'm sure she is just as blessed to have you, and i wish you both years and years of love and togetherness.

    ~Shalom
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I normally don't like repetitive wording,but because these are real feeling and emotions,which is what truly happen when we are in love. The same words of I love you are said over and over again and again.

    I wish you and your wife a wonderful marriage and i am so impressed by your poetic devotion to her,bravo

    The beauty of your altruistic sense of truly want came across in this poem, in an excellent way.
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Another masterpiece friend! It's so nice of you to express that to your Love and I just have no critique because it came from your heart to your heart.
    Love, Peace, Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is heartfelt, honest and poignant... all wrapped up in one delicious declaration of love to a soul mate. Exquisitely crafted and honed to perfection with the ending... a promise, a wish, a dedication. You've prepared a life long verbal commitment and ode to your loved one and will probably recite this on every anniversary of your blessed time together. Great write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      Another great write, Ben. There's a little problem I have with it though.

    My vision is so centered on you.

    I think if you remove the so in this sentence, it will make it more beautiful. A simple word, I know, but I'm a perfectionist... lol. Also, what does the last line mean?

    Humbled comes to mind

    I really don't like this line. It doesn't make sense to me. Maybe it's just me. Maybe you could change it to:

    Humbled thoughts come to my mind.

    Just a suggestion. Have a great day, Ben! Keep writing, your poems bring joy to the heart.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Areinaka | [ Reply to This ]
      A very lovely write to the one you love. Very solid and sincere. You both are quite lucky to have found one another. I hear congratulations are in order. I wish you both the best.
    This is an enjoyable read.

    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      *Sob* ...You people keep making me all girly and mushy ...and i hate it ...no ..i love it ....Oh i don't know ....
    I don't think you were after critique on this one much ....But i do get the sense of someone who is so desperately in love that they want to scream it at the world ....So scream away ....So happy you have found this .....
    Let me die in your arms an overflowing cup <---My fave line ...So perfect....
    YaY for your romantic heart ....Blesses Be honey
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]
      Ben, this is simply beautiful... I know that you mentioned that this piece wasn't meant to be poetry, but when one expresses passion for another, nothing less than the splendor and grace of poetry is able to manifest.

    "Let me die in your arms an overflowing cup"

    I loved this line. It shows such commitment and security. It's along the same lines of thinking as "If only I could hold this breath for eternity..."

    Very, very nice work, Ben. I enjoyed your French plug there in the title and in the last line. "The love of my life." Wonderful.

    Great job, buddy... I truly, truly enjoyed this piece.

    -Bijou
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Bijou de Mort | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful...I think this is absolutely beautiful...I am way too young to even be thinking about marriage and all that stuff, but this write is great...Good job, keep it up!

    Desser
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Desser | [ Reply to This ]


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