Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

your words are not enouph


Author: Archer
ASL Info:    17/female/Oregon
Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 118 /148 /53
Words: 187
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1217
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1019



Description:


i have hit some ruff spots recently and most is because of love and i am hopeing that this is well alright because i need to figure out some way to tell him and he likes poems so any way let me know what you think there is not much of a flow like my other pices but it was not supposed to have one.


your words are not enouph



You tell me you love me
And I think it’s true
Because how can you love me
And I not love you.

You tell me “I’ll always be there”
And I believe you
Because how can you say that
And it not be true.

Then you say we can be together
And I believe that too.
How can I not
I love you.

But then you say your heart is gone
But I don’t believe you
Because that would mean
You lied and your love wasn’t true.

You tell me I’m beautiful
And I kind of believe you
Till you can’t look me in the eye
And I know that was a lie too.

Now I don’t believe you
Your words aren’t enough
But I stay with you
I don’t want to leave when things get ruff.

But you have to work on this
The lying has to cease
Because I have to trust you,
To set my heart at ease.




Submitted on 2005-04-06 14:55:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Yeah... Deff feel you on this right here... Words most the time are empty expressions of ones views and the true colors come out when troubled waters come around... How can someone tell you they love and then say their heart is gone?... Easy... They can not because if they do that means that it was not love but it was lust... and then the person can not even look at you in the eye... like if you killed someone whom they were very closely related to... If I were you I would put my heart at ease by just letting go of this person... you seen his true colors when things went rough and you see how he acts different... everyone can put on a mask during good times but when the bad times hit that mask breaks and you get to see the true self of a person... Great write

Jose J. Ortiz aka Josyman
| Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by josymanthegreat | [ Reply to This ]
  brave girl, to put your point over face to face. and to battle on regardless. You are absolutely right of course. Words can be clever and smart, arranged with perfect syntax and be grammatically correct but at the end of the day, even the best word smith will have to admit that they are simply just words. Men are very clever at using words when they want to... but seem far too scared at facing up to their own feelings let alone the feelings of others. some will let you break your heart rather than show an ounce of true feeling. Good Luck.
| Posted on 2005-05-23 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
  it's a simple love poem which flows beautifully when you read it. I do have to agree with one comment. You used so many times "you" and "true". We all feel that way even me. I got something like that called "Deception" and i know that the words came out of you just like that cause love is always in the air. It catches you even when you don't want it to.
The thing i didn't like was that it was too obvious. Didn't really feel this want to read the ending cause i know what the ending is. You just said it all out in the title and the beginning made it even more obvious.
But in its own nature, it's a wonderful poem because you basically said all you had to say and i admire that.
Well done.
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  i am sorry that some people are as open to what you have to say, I think that some comments are undeserved...but anyways, I appreciated what you had to say, the way you are feeling, your opening lines had me thinking a little bit, maybe you should try working them around a little, but other than that, I liked the thought behind the poem. Hope he comes to see what you are putting forth.

TONY
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by nwproud | [ Reply to This ]
  you know, the worst thing when submitting a piece is spelling your title wrong.
it is like going out on a date with sh-it all over your face.
if it were not for that i probably would have read your piece.
take care
on1eday.co.uk
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a very truthful piece, and I escpecially like the title, "your words are not enough" fits this poem absolutely pefectly. The poem itself is rather simplistic, but I like the way you wrote it, somehow a fresh version of an overused topic. Great job!
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, that was somehow really interesting! I really am not sure whether I have read any of your poems before or not! I think I didn't! But I think after reading this one I'll try to read more of your poems -at least to be able judge better-.

And now about the poem itself; I think that this is a good poem -not great but good- I really liked it, of course the subject of the poem isn't new but the way it was presented was somehow new (in my point of view), the poem is very well written with no spelling mistakes and that is a very important thing because I beleive that spelling mistakes take alot from the beauty of any poem.

And I must talk about the tittle ( your words are not enouph ), which was very well chosen and captures the minds of the readers (it captured mine), But I am just wondering why did you write it "enouph" and not "enough", I don't think you didn't know! I think you did know and chose to write it that way! And please correct me if I'm wrong and also the description which I beleive to be a very important tool for the writer to use to capture the attention of the reader and to give a prior presentation to the poem and here you didn't capture my attention but you succeeded in giving a prior presentation for the idea of your poem.

I think the words were simple and may be too simple! But sometimes that helps the poem! The emotion was flowing all over the poem, and also the obvious sincerity of the poem, and that is a very important thing in writing poetry specially love poetry.

And about the flow, I think it wasn't good, may be you said in your description that it wasn't supposed to have one but it does have rhyming and flow and the reader can't neglect that! I just didn't find the flow and the rhyme smooth, I found it somehow forced as you used

"You" and "true" in the first stanza and then used "true" and "you" in the second stanza and then "too" and "you"in the third stanza and the "you" and "true" again in the fourth stanza and then "you" and "too" again in the fifth stanza and then "you" and "you" in the six stanza! I think that rhyme wasn't well done nor well written!

But I must say that I beleive that if someone gave a poem to someone then it doesn't mattar whether this poem is good or bad because just the thought of writing something to someone should make him thrilled! I'll be if some one gave a poem to me! I'm not saying that this is a bad poem, I am saying that it could be better and whether you change it or not I beleive that the person who will receive this poem is a lucky one and should be grateful!

I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good, no not good but f-ing fantastic. I wish I would have thought of it first cause I am in the same situation. There is this guy that I love or at least it is the closest thing to love I have ever felt and he tells me he loves me but he is now dating my best friend and she also knows how I feel what the hell is up with that. Girl this poem is the best for my current position. Hey would you mind it to terribly if I had him read this and told him that a friend wrote it? I would like to say that you are my friend if that is ok with you.

Angel
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by ForsakenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
  I like these alot sounds like my wife and I
I could never put our feelings into word so anyone who can has something on me
good form lots of feeling
from 1 10
I give it a 6
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by acapone | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the honesty in it...and i know that you say it isnt supposed to flow, but i wish that it did a little more..wow. It is good though. you are a very good writer.
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



53331