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    dots Submission Name: sinfuldots

    Author: acapone
    ASL Info:    32mnh
    Elite Ratio:    1.87 - 24/25/10
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 361

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    It is sinfull the way I led my days.
    Not caring for life or where it would lead anyway.
    self destruction was my only game.
    left for dead was my only fame.
    a blinded fool with bloody tears.
    I thought i have forgotton my sinfull years.
    Its too late to look back now
    I can only try and save my soul somehow.

    Submitted on 2005-04-06 15:09:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Somehow, this poem seems to be incomplete. Not that you didn't do well in the poem, is just that there were things you still kept when you wrote this.
    You're basically saying what you're doing to yourself but you didn't say what you did that was so sinful.
    I don't know, maybe it's just me but i felt incomplete and that made me feel that there were more to this poem than that.
    But if it's just that. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, reminds me of something i would write, the subject matter anyway. i especially like the first line. but i feel ....uhm there is more that your not saying. something that would make me feel your sins. relate with them as i'm sure i could.
    so i like it but feel you could add to it and make it f*ckin' great !
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, that was somehow really really interesting! I really am not sure whether I have read any of your poems before or not! I think I didn't! But I think after reading this one I'll try to read more of your poems! At least to judge better!

    And now about the poem itself; I think that this is a good poem indeed, I really liked it, of course the subject of the poem isn't new but the way it was presented was good (in my point of view), the poem is not very well written, but it is a good one in general.

    And I must talk about the tittle ( sinful ), which was very well chosen and captures the minds of the readers (it captured mine), and about the description which I beleive to be a very important tool for the writer to use to capture the attention of the reader and to give a prior presentation to the poem and you failed in doing that!

    I think the words were well chosen and the emotion was flowing all over the poem, and also the obvious sincerity of the poem.

    And about the flow and rhyming, I think it was a little bit forced, and I must say that being short or shall I say too short didn't help alot in judging fairly!

    I liked the finale that says

    "Its too late to look back now
    I can only try and save my soul somehow."

    I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end up my comment saying Good luck and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]

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