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    dots Submission Name: Broken Trustdots

    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1104
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697

       In a world of deciet we search for that morsel of truth

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBroken Trustdots

    I yearn for the days when humanity was good
    i long for those moments and for all that they stood
    i cry for the years that have passed me by
    i hurt at the pains that life made me try
    i call for a god a being a guide
    i call for an angel to be at my side
    as i lose hold of those i hold dear
    as my days of joy are drowining in fear
    when no longer can trust exist between the few
    when longer can faith draw me to you
    then shall the shadows take hold of my life
    then shall the night cover my strife
    when ashes fall to ashes and dust returns to dust
    u know that nothing cuts deeper than broken trust

    Submitted on 2005-04-06 18:12:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I didn't think it was a bad poem, quite the opposite. I just think that your talent in this peice comes in bits and peices. The couplet of lines 5 and 6 are very good. On line 5 you sould use commas to make it more pwerful. It will lose some of its flow but I think that it will be totally worth it. I like your ending it is a good couplet but if you added one more line that didn't rhyme but kept hold of the central theme then you would be putting emphasis to the ending and that can make a peice so much more powerful.
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh yeah, sorry forgot to mention...that last comment I made...well...hate ta break it to ya, but its the TRUTH...so ya just gotta accept that.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Fuc*ing brilliant. Man I started reading it and thought...jeez, not another one of these poems...but then after the fifth line, it seemed to morph into a black hole that just sucked me in...but then it ended...and I got just a tad upset...but I am over that now. Nice job. Have a good one.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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