Description: Warning: explicit language and sexual content.
I was, shall we say, *inspired* by a certain evil lawyer. Props to anyone who can guess who I'm talking about...
Lovely luscious Lilah,
with perfect teeth and a better ass.
I'd kill to have your thighs 'round my head,
chain you to the bed,
bite your nipples while you come on my sheets,
that'd be sweet.
Let me fuck you from behind
with my 8-inch strap on,
eat you out in the kitchen,
Oh, how I've been missing
all the love you've been giving
to the unworthy asshole with the accent and the scars.
In the words of Dolly Parton, "Shock and awe!" And a word from Mel: Erotica. Albeit vare vare well done erotica. I'd certainly like to know where you get your inspiration, Miss Drowning Queen. Not very tastefully done, but I take it that wasn't the idea, was it? You're not very...um...discreet. *weg* Keep it up, girl...I'm gonna keep reading now. *casts eyes down in Mormon shame*
Miss Drowning Queen, I'm shocked! I'm a puritanical freak when it comes to matters of the sheets. Oh my, you've made me blush!
Hahahahah, just kidding
I think this was too compact, it needs to breathe, you know? The line lengths on certain lines are too long as well I think. Here's a revised version - take what you like and ditch the rest of course. Just want you to see what it looks like -
-lovely luscious Lilah- with your perfect teeth, bouncy breasts and juicy, killer ass-cheeks
how I'd love to have your sexy, sexy thighs wrapped fully 'round my perfumed head
I'd chain you to my bed and bite your fiery nipples whilst you come on my sheets -oh that would be so sweet-
let me fu.ck you from behind with my 8-inch strap-on, then I'd let you eat me out in my penthouse kitchen
oh, how I've been missing all the love you've been giving, to that unworthy ass.hole with the accent and the scars
Four line stanzas, substituted some words to flesh it out a bit, dropped the caps at the start of every sentence and dropped the periods too. I dunno, what do you think?
yum yum yum yum yum! this piece went down like cherry pie! your words were so brutal and raw. this piece came off as lesbian erotica, and, therefore, i loved it even more. the last line kind of shocked me, though, because it wasn't expected. your style here is so aggressive and intense, and i *love* it! keep it comin! ^_^ hugs and strap-ons, ~*dark_and_dreary*~
mmmmmm. this chick sounds fiiiiine- very heatedly sexual poem you've got here- it's like literary porn... a brutal author of... well, smut. i am coming to seriously enjoy your works! and the little bite at the end is perfect... great job. *md*
damn i love this, not just because i'm a 19 year old sexually frustrated male......(did i say that) but just the brutalness of it. and the sarcasm that seems to drip through this that's unexpressed. like a sublte scream ya know. I mean just the intensity of this gives off this vibe of anger that's in the begging making me think that hm.... maybe this isn't really about sex and i think the last line kinda proves that. very good write. very..... transgressively beautiful if you catch the drift of what i mean.
i suppose everyone else is holding back on their comments, must not be their type of poetry...well, not mine either, but interesting to know what inspires you...
Though I dont know exactly what you're describing, Ive an idea, but, gosh, so explicitive, this isnt the usual kind of stuff I care to read...but then, we all have our own kind of inspiration and thoughts, and we all show them in different ways. So, in that sense, good piece.