Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: minus one.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wilted_
    ASL Info:    20/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 138/110/29
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 877
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 413



    Description:
       I wrote this two years ago, can't really remembered what compelled me to. and that I wanna chide and laugh at myself for feeling so fornlorn then. this must be the sign that the emotional wound is healed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsminus one.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stillness descends
    upon
    the grieving skies,
    as you no longer gaze at
    beside me.

    Evening passes quickly
    into the stoic night
    as I receive its approach
    with open arms
    that fall
    to my sides.

    Shadows are my companions -
    they sing as I dance
    and dance as I sing.

    But alone,
    shall I weep.




    Submitted on 2005-04-07 07:53:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Yeah, apart from that line. this is pure sadness. I love the second stanza :

    "Evening passes quickly
    into the stoic night
    as I receive its approach
    with open arms
    that fall
    to my sides."

    That is such a forlorn picture of dejection!
    You ended it well, not even the shadows can help you weep. Excellent poem! and I'm glad you got over it.
    Be happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Ed about changing the one line, he just beat me to it. Maybe just eliminating the first word would make it a little more even. Duh, look at that, he already gave you that suggestion. Great minds think alike (lol)
    I felt this poem was quite solid and it was an enjoyable read.
    Carol
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, at the time that's how you felt. Yes, one can feel the sad,undertones of your loneiness, to what level,only you can truly know. I like the title as well.

    My only suggestion for this would be to change the word that to as, in this line:

    that you no longer gaze at

    Good write
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    53475

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry