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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Pool of Memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1542
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 658



    Description:
       This piece is a bit peculiar in terms of the rhyme, rhythm and punctuation, but I think it's one of my less cryptic poems. If you bear in mind that the pool is a metaphor for the mind and memory, then the poem should be fairly self explanatory.

    Maybe the only things that need to be explained are that pohutukawa is a a New Zealand evergreen tree with bright red flowers, and that it is also known as the fire tree.

    One final thing: any comments are of course appreciated, but especially if someone would add in a quick tutorial on how to add a picture to a piece- I've yet to find out in my half a year on the site- all I get is a cross where it should be.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Pool of Memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Atop my pebble-grey pool, blossoms of
    Pohutukawa smile as faces in the night.
    Like flares drifting in a watery
    Universe, they smoulder in the
    Twilight: memories of faces lost.

    Such are such faces; drifting in and out
    Of brittle lunar shafts without
    Coming close enough to touch.
    Crimson blooms fall from the fire tree
    Like strands of hair…curling, falling
    Into the silent pool below.

    Day dawns, and the pohutukawa
    Blooms wane with the rising sun.
    The pool ripples wistfully as
    Blushing faces go pallid and
    Wither atop its dusky depths.




    Submitted on 2005-04-07 10:27:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this piece is gorgeous and rich in its imagery. especially liked:

    Like strands of hair…curling, falling
    Into the silent pool below.

    it accounts for a reflective lull in the narrative, almost wistful in its quality. you can really sink your teeth into the implicit symbolism. i like the way the mind is shown to be a dark and destructive force, swallowing and encompassing vitality, diminishing it to a shadow of its former glory, a memory. it's an interesting perspective. and i suppose the rising of the sun accounts for the passing of time...i appreciate this kind of poetry and this kind of tone. its going into my favourites.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]
      I think your poem works well as a description of a pohutakawa dropping its blossoms into a pool. Incidentally in NZ we never refer to it as the fire tree, but as the NZ Christmas Tree and in S.Africa as that bloody New Zealand weed.
    However, your poem doesn't work on the metaphorical level (UNLESS ONE READS YOUR DESCRIPTION!) because the poem itself has no clues in that direction. Even giving your poem a different title would help (My pool of memories) and starting your poem with a simile rather than a metaphor which is a simpler but more direct way of referencing your image. Or something explicit like " Atop my pebble-grey pool of memory". It worries me that you are aware that many of your poems are "cryptic" as you admit in your description. Imagery is good. Imagery that is not "grounded" is bad. It's easy to remedy.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason I could not get a "picture" of the poem. I had darkness in my vision and only the blossom part produced about three pink ones falling into an endless sea of black water (water not oil). Don't know why. In the worst case it could be that I did not try to imagine anything. (the other reason can be the non-stop listening to Everlast- Black Jesus I just got it)

    I would help with the pictures but I don't have any experience in that.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by WriterX | [ Reply to This ]
      Insofar as inserting a picture . . . I find an image I like, then open it up using Hamrick's Vueprint, or Adobe Photoshop, or you can even use paint, then resize the image so it's about 200x200 or so. I have a website, so I upload the image to my site, then when I post the poem, I link to the image on my site. There are some hosting sites for images, meaning, you can upload them to the site and link to them in your poem. Or you can try Yahoo Geocities, register for a free webspace, and use their web based file manager to upload whatever pics you want, then link to them that way. If you check out any of my pieces, you'll see I always use images I find appropriate. If you need some more help, feel free to IM me and I can walk you through it step by step.

    I should point out that what Sanburg said is effective as well, however, it's often considered bad form to link to an image this way and some web admins go crazy if people link to their stuff and they track it. So, it's more polite to grab what you want and host it yourself or find a web page that does this as a service. You can try

    http://www.theimagehosting.com/

    or something similar. I hope this helps.
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it!

    It conjured up an image of a deep, black pool reflecting the night sky, with fiery red blossoms floating across it and slowly drifting onwards. That was a pretty good metaphor... you seemed to be describing that memories and thoughts and all conscious mental activities only skim the surface of possible mental capabilities. Maybe that's just the psychologist in me, but I liked that.

    One thing that I didn't like, which I thought brought away from the poem, was the sudden personification of the pool at the end when you use the possessive adjective "his"... I would go back and change that to simply "its".

    All in all, good write. I enjoyed it!

    -Secret
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I'll do the easy part first, the picture tutorial. I know you are putting something into the space for a picture, or you wouldn't get the red x. If you leave the word "none" in there, you get no picture and no red x. Keep in mind you can't upload a picture to this site, there isn't room. You can only point to the address where the picture you want is already posted on the internet. (preferably on a server of your own, but it will work if you point to someone else's site too). Keep in mind that the portion of the address that begins with http:// is assumed. You only put the rest of the address in the box. For example here is an address to a picture:

    http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:tkJDFp9ZT94J:www.atpm.com/6.09/konstanz2/images/rose-inner.jpg

    If you wanted this to show though, you would only copy and paste this portion into the box:

    images.google.com/images?q=tbn:tkJDFp9ZT94J:www.atpm.com/6.09/konstanz2/images/rose-inner.jpg

    Try it out, you can always delete the post if you like, or you could try it on this poem in the edit function.

    OK, now as for your poem, your description is helpful, but the one thing I would suggest is that you do not refer to the pool with a masculine personal descriptor in the last line.
    I would refer to its dusky depths rather than his dusky depths. Leave the reader to figure the metaphor out, or not. Just my 2 cents worth!
    Hope the picture works out for you.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-04-07 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]


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