Description: Just a way to look at the city... Also, any way to make this flow better.... I don't know, it seems off to me. Comments are most appreciated, as always.
City Nights -------------------------------------------
The bright lights
Of city nights
Are everywhere.
Nights seem to be
False days, yet free
From the sun.
All awake and moving,
No one asleep and dreaming,
Traffic forever there.
Silence an anomaly,
City nights are truthfully
Bright as Day.
I think, too, the problem wasn't with the flow but some stanzas seemed forced. I think it has great potential for a nice tribute to City Life & Lights. I'm not 1 to make suggestions on other's works as far as content or form but I think if it was a bit longer and focused on some of these brief highlights it would be very good. Is good now too though. Love,Peace,Joy!
Hmm. I don't think the flow is the problem, it's that your trying to say ALOT in a few words, which I think you did a great job at. Its abrupt, but it gives the reader alot to think about. If your still worried about the flow, I would suggest trying to extend what your saying into longer lines, and get more thought/image provoking words in there. Good work and good luck! -Andrya
I agree, if you read it aloud, it doesn't quite flow, but I like the idea here, and it's true. How 'bout stuff like: Pseudo-days, Bright nights Have no need of Sun... Nah, I don't like that, either. Write it again, with a totally different pattern, and see how it goes, it's good enough to take the trouble...
Submission Name: City Nights
