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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: L’arbre d’Éternitédots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Bijou de Mort
    ASL Info:    16/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.42 - 153/108/24
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1021
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 741



    Description:
       Another old poem... forgive me


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsL’arbre d’Éternitédots
    -------------------------------------------


    “L’arbre d’Éternité”
    (2004)
    Bijou de Mort



    Exodus: departure of my soul.
    Tarrying ‘tween two worlds of Fate,
    I wait and pray.
    But here I linger
    Forever and ever, amen.

    Observe I to my north
    A city painted of gilded luster.
    Yearn, do I, for that
    Formerly forgotten peace
    Forever and ever, amen.

    Buckle, did my knees,
    Collapse to ground, did I--
    Stance melted by the
    Flames of Hate
    Forever and ever, amen.

    Aye! I look upon the eyes of the Father.
    Alas! Blinded by the torture of souls.
    I fall… I fall…
    I fall
    Forever and ever, amen.




    Submitted on 2005-04-07 21:50:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Reversing subject and verb might work better if it was used more consistently – lines 3 & 4, for instance. As the reversals now stand, they seem out of place. As usual, you show good economy of words and elevated concepts.
    fred
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      wow you write so well for a 16 year old. This poem is so so interesting and i like the fact that u used an actual picture..a bit like what william blake would do:) good work keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by neonlights | [ Reply to This ]
      I too liked the repetition but did not care for the reversal of normal speech. no one talks like this or ever did except in Shakespeare's time, but I suppose that is the essence you were after. the romantic old language. I don't mean to be too critical. It is a very interesting and well-written poem. Just not my cup of tea. But I suppose my poetry is not everyone's cup of tea either! I would also wonder what would be haunting you. The absence of peace? It's not specific but rather left up to the imagination I suppose. Or perhaps there is some religious connection that I am ignorant of. I tend to disregard much in that area. It's definitely unique and reminiscent of knight's tales and the mystical aspects of the world. Tree of Eternity seems an unusual title. I am not sure how it relates to the city of lustre and being blinded, etc. I cannot always figure out all poems. Even those by supposedly famous masters of poetry, so don't feel offended!
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Exodus: departure of my soul.

    any reason why you always use that name? curious. it was in the previous poem and also in your terminus stories. sorry if i spelled it wrong.

    your words are elegent and soothing. only words i could find to them describe them. they are interesting. confusing but i make up my own meaning and iam satisfied. lovely.

    Forever and ever, amen

    liked how you repeated it. lovely. like reading your words.

    -soomie
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      Eternity... that's certainly something we should all think about. This is very well written, you should write more like it. The only thing I find is the repetition of "forever and ever amen".. maybe just use that at the ending? Very good poem. Thoughtful and expressive. Seeing a better, brighter place, so close... yet falling deeper into the darkness.

    Good work!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-09 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      an old poem and you beg for forgiveness? Especially on such a work of art as this! dear Lord, where have you been hiding this, and why have i not seen any of your work before?
    it... it... words do no justice to explain the deep emotions brought about by this wonderous piece of literary art. at last, a poet i can look up to. to think, you're younger than me as well. I look foward to reading more of your work. you've given me a reason to come back to this site.
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by hybridmagnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      Huh. Is this a prayer or a poem? Very interesting comparison here.

    I'm not sure I completely understand where the character here is... purgatory or hell? It seems like at the beginning he is looking up towards heaven, without reaching it (yet staying there forever) and towards the end he seems more genuinely tormented by forces outside himself.

    Forever and ever...

    This is being added as a favorite. Haunting.
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by DeadGod | [ Reply to This ]


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