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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the road less traveleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: morte
    ASL Info:    17/female/earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 430/348/55
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 734
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 272



    Description:
       just something i jotted down, any suggestions/comments are welcome...the two things i would like the most to know about are the punctuation (which i don't usually use) and the length (which seemed short, but i think the message is shown well enough)...thanks in advance...


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    dotsthe road less traveleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wander the road less traveled,
    a trail for sleepers and schemers,
    a path for weepers and dreamers.
    On a coach driven by life,
    there I sit and across from me,
    in shadows waits mortality…
    until the journey’s end: Death.




    Submitted on 2005-04-08 20:01:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      alex, this was short, but i still enjoyed it. though you could have made it a little longer, i think you could have added a little more to make it sound stronger. well, keep up the good work alex.
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      in the 5th line, take the comma from after "me" and put it after "sit" instead. Aside from that, I loved this. I don't think it was too short at all. I think you got the point across just fine and I absolutely love it. A favorite for sure.
    | Posted on 2005-04-09 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      In my view (and I ain't no expert) your first semi-colon could be a comma, but I don't think that matters much, otherwise, it's fine. I don't pretend to understand the meaning, unless it's about not following society's molds.
    Nicely written, I liked it.
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, it is kinda short. Feels like you could put more in between the 3rd and 4th lines. I just got the feeling of someone living life in a box watching things go by and waiting for the end. I am not too sure on when to use ; or , or : or ^%%$@^%$^@ but I like the use of ... I do think the first ; should be changed to a , And the last two lines are fine. Well, there are my two cents...have a good one.
    | Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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