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    dots Submission Name: Just a dreamdots

    Author: ChaosSubmission
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 18/30/8
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 580

       Feed back mainly, it's just whatever you think of the piece. I have a headache actually, not venting, just writing. Once again in my little world whenever i write. Things just come to me and i write them down. They're not always good or sensable but some of them are pretty decent. Not sure about this one right now.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust a dreamdots

    She cries as the pain seeps deeper
    The hurt slowly makes her knees buckle
    Her wrists ache in the suffering
    All the things around her spin
    All she knew spins out of control
    It all fades from her vision
    The blood from her eyes
    A natural occurency
    Her head pounds with each beat of her dying heart
    Faith will never come
    Never helping this sorrowful, aching girl
    She dies
    And no one remembers her
    She's just a dream
    In the illegal reality in which we live

    Submitted on 2005-04-10 01:01:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the imagery. It feels right not forced just a natural free flowing verse, it rhymes nit rhymes, but that lies beyond the point. nicely done, i like it
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is really deep and really sad... i have to say i can relate to this and i really like the words you've used... you create good imagery i know what it feels like to just write to get it all out.. and i must say , if this is what comes out then you should keep doing it... good job!
    | Posted on 2005-04-10 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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