I shove my hands in my pockets and smile.
Not cause I'm cold, but found comfort in my discomfort
~~at least for a while.
Sometimes I cross my arms;
Not cause I'm taking an offensive stand,
but cause I'm often confused what karma
~~might do to a shady man.
I squint my left eye, and cock my head to the right;
Not because something is blinding me;
But things are flying by me....
~~and I think it's my life.
So I run, but not to catch it.
I know it's right there but they can have it.
Through my back alley nightmares.
Across my field of dreams.
everyone was there.
~~except for me....
So, I shove my hands in my pockets and smile;
and look around.
~~I think I'm going to be here a while.......
The more I read from you the better writer you become in my eyes, this was great. You painted such a perfect picture in my head mixed with the pic of you at the top of all your poems I could almost visualize this entire scenario. The idea is awesome, the second to last line in the first stanza spells it all out, and I could relate to that a lot. And the part about karma, ...karma I could go on about that forever... frustrating to me. But this poem rocked, great write. Take Care, -Tom
DUDE! I think this is like the best one so far. At least, one of the best. It doesnt stick to a rhyme, it has no set flow, it even has dramatic pauses and all that [censored]. Very poetic, and wonderfully written.
I absolutely loooove back alley nightmares, umm you know not the nightmares themselves but the verbiage.
This is the only thing I would tweak, "But things are flying by me..."...ya know... {But things are passing my by} or {but things are racing by}
I have read the poem a couple of times and I must say that I really liked the idea ;0) “across my field of dreams, everyone was there, except me”, is the opposite of being alone in the world, not caring about them “they can have it” ;0) I like the way you have worked with your stanzas and the in words in stanzas, like “Comfort my discomfort”, “Karma to a shady man”, “Flying by me, I think it is my life” and especially “I think I’m going to be here for a while” Nice work ;0)
this was awesome! i love it. i don't know why exactly, it just kind of describes me and my situation that always seem to be my current situation. You always come with a fresh new creative look on things. The line:
but seeking comfort in my discomfort
that was just one of the simplest things to say that no one would probably think of saying that holds so much truth.
But things are flying by me ~~and I think it's my life. .... I think I'm going to be here a while.......
these lines really hit home for me. It always seems like you can never truly have a firm grasp on life. and when things get hectic and life starts doin its job it does seem to run. I love how you put it here. I love how you ended the poem happy or at least satisfied. A poem like this could easily have a sad ending which forces your audience to sympathize with your misery of life taking over, but the smiling and the casual attitude shows that you maybe are looking forward to the time left here. gives your audience a sense of hope. Excellent job!
Dude, I am still amazed that you can pull of the sentimental thing. Or I guess that it's the honesty thing. In a weird way, the only way that I can ignore my discomfort is to find comfort within it. It is so hard sometimes, but mostly you can't change what's happening anyway. I definately love the ending, a gentle reminder that we have our whole lives to figure things out. I guess some of us just have longer than others. Good write, and hopefully you can pull more of these human like things from your a-. ~Jess
I liked this, it was different than some of your other works, but nice. Took a read or three to completely understand it, but I like that it takes an optimistic tone at the end. I've often felt this way...but trudged forward into that good night regardless of the winds about. Good write!
An interesting poem. But don't you think it's a little too short? HAHAHAAA! Just kidding, bro. I couldn't resist. LOL.
This is a fun little poem. I especially liked the last line, which radiates a kind of good-natured optimism that says, hey, I don't have to figure it all out today! I've got time!
This reminded me of a Peter Gabriel song, I think it's called "Contact." But it had a similar feel to it.
I was a little thrown by the tildes . . . but I'm guessing you're engaged in a quiet rebellion against ES's fascist code schema (can't say I'd blame ya, it's a real pain in the aspect).
Submission Name: "Back Alley Nightmares"
