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    dots Submission Name: Beautiful Seadots

    Author: Superman
    ASL Info:    21 Lady
    Elite Ratio:    7.37 - 695/377/71
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1315
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1075

       First letter of each line.

    This is for my mom, I was thinking about holding it off until Mothers Day, but I think I might give it to her this saturday (my birthday). Not sure yet.

    Its rough, and the overall idea is that she is the one person I look up to during all the hard times.

    Bash me and tell me what to fix:O)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeautiful Seadots

    Magnificent colors,
    Outrage the sea
    More and more they pound

    I stand alone

    Luring me in,
    Oval-shaped stones roll against the shore,
    Victory at last!
    Engulfing me, they have my soul.

    (A) Yacht, you stand alone
    Out in the sea's calm sway
    Utter not a word, I know you're there.


    Ticking, time stands
    Hollowed by the sound of your sweet voice
    Answering prayers and
    Nourishing souls around you.
    Kindness surrounds you,
    Silent savior.

    "Fortify her spirit," they chant,
    Over and over they adore you,
    Restlessly you smile

    Elysian peace is reached
    Vertical sunsets keep the mood, I
    Escape for once,
    Responsing to your call.
    You mean everything to me,
    Together we a one, mother and daughter
    "Hold your innocence," you say
    I will.
    Nothing more could mean as much,
    Glorious mother, I love.

    Submitted on 2005-04-10 20:07:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think your Mom is going to have a wonderfull Mothers day or whenever you give this to her she will feel blessed for that day. because that was the day you gave her this poem. wow I dont think I have ever spoke like that before, anyway it was very meaningfull piece and I felt the compassion throughout good job- and Happy Birthday [early]
    | Posted on 2005-04-10 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Kayla! Wow it's been forever since I've been commenting, what have you been up to? Been watching LOST? Lol, my VCR broke so I've missed the last few episodes (you can catch me up *hint hint*), but we got a new one so yay!

    Anyhoo, yes, the poem, the thing I'm commenting on. Honestly, it's just a tad bit confusing. You're a little hazy in place about what you're referring to, and a few of the metaphors sort of stretch it. The part that I disliked the most was this.

    Luring me in,
    Oval-shaped stones roll against the shore,
    Victory at last!
    Engulfing me, they have my soul.

    What are the oval-shaped stones referring to? And this is the metaphor that's sorta stretched, to me. Also, when you say "Victory at last!" it sounds like you're the one exulting... maybe something like "My dowfall at last" or something like that. Just considering you're soul's being stolen in the next line.

    Other than that, I love it! Very good write, especially the last stanza. The only mess-up I saw was "Together we a one" instead of "are one"... unless you meant it to be that way and if you did, then I would write it "Together this us, a one" or something like that to make it obvious you didn't just make a mistake. Other than that... very good! Loved it!
    | Posted on 2005-04-10 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww. It's beautiful. This piece can be considered a piece of art, in my book. The way you strung your words together we lovely and nice to read, when in a very poetic mood, that is. "Magnificent colors,
    Outrage the sea
    More and more they pound"
    There is something very abstract that I like about this stanza...I imagined a swirling sea, perhaps a strom, with colorful rain pouring down from the colorful, dark, and stormy sky, falling into the ocean, and creating the same effect one gets when they dip a colored paint brush into water and the water changes to that same color...thanks for that picture/....

    Peace, LucyDiamond
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]

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