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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Honeydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Paradox
    ASL Info:    25/m/Earthbound
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 647/352/64
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 526
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 814



    Description:
       ...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHoneydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Now that the summer is over and the last butterfly is dead
    Autumn creaks its dry branches through your dry thoughts
    And you wish to wrap up in a warm cocoon of feelings
    Now that light thickens it gets harder to forgive yourself

    After that one passage through life itself and painted figures
    Death creeps with broken feet towards you and your skin
    And you wish that birth was just a dream of time passed
    After that obscure ritual you are still not ready to be a man

    Before that first sun god starts to open its single giant eye
    She points at two entirely different, yet identical life streams
    And you must choose quickly, the madness is about to start
    Before that first explosion there was only you and her





    Submitted on 2005-04-11 08:50:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The only thing I can say, for me this piece
    is outside the box. Which is not a bad thing.
    I read it twice and that's all I can give you.

    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2009-01-07 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      It's very deep and incredibly descriptive. My vivid imagination was activated before I had even read the first stanza. Though I have to say, in my opinion, the title leaves little to be desired. Other than that, it was simply beautiful.

    By the way, thankyou for your comment.
    | Posted on 2008-10-30 00:00:00 | by Iffy | [ Reply to This ]
      A good write
    I enjoyed it
    I for one am not afraid of death I welcome it
    But
    I do not rush it
    I like how you said she points at two entirely different yet identical life streams
    This was pretty origanel
    My belief is she was pointing at the earth and the heavens

    Great Write!!!

    And thanks for your recent comments I appreciate them but know
    In the darkness there is light the light of the moon and the stars letting us know we are never totally in darkness
    Take Care
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. The last stanza is absolutely gorgeous:

    Before that first sun god starts to open its single giant eye
    She points at two entirely different, yet identical life streams
    And you must choose quickly, the madness is about to start
    Before that first explosion there was only you and her

    It's wonderfully philophical as well. I love how you end this on such a high note. Endings make or break a piece, so that is well done.

    Now that the summer is over and the last butterfly is dead
    Autumn creeks its dry branches through your dry thoughts
    And you wish to wrap up in a warm cocoon of feelings
    Now that light thickens it gets harder to forgive yourself

    I think you mean "creaks"(the sound over the body of water). Really, this starts off well. That's a gorgeous opening line.

    After that one passage through life itself and painted figures
    Death creeps with broken feet towards you and your skin
    And you wish that birth was just a dream of time passed
    After that obscure ritual you are still not ready to be a man

    Seriously, I don''t think I'd be ready to be grown after twenty lifetimes, so that strikes a chord with me (and likely others). Really, this is very well done.
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is totally different to anything i have read before... i liked it! i really like the way you set it out, although i dont write like that... it really works! well done!
    | Posted on 2005-04-11 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]


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