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Fighting off myself again

Author: Emerging Soul
ASL Info:    48/VERY female/Wisconsin
Elite Ratio:    4.36 - 1240 /1114 /244
Words: 151
Class/Type: Poetry /Dark
Total Views: 1007
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 945


Hi, everyone...I know I haven't posted in a long while...but hopefully the words will begin to crawl out of my mind again and there will be more...

At any rate...this poem is about my current struggle as I am tapering off of all of my psychotropic meds that keep my various disorders at bay in an attempt to baseline and transition to one that will, hopefully, work well for me without adverse side-affects that I have found it necessary to put an end to with my previous meds.

During this transitional time, I find myself sinking way back into some of the symptoms of my bi-polar and depressive mood disorder. I am bearing under the weight of it only by holding close to the knowledge that this IS a transition and that it will not last any longer than it must to properly adjust things...a few more weeks and I should return to feeling more..."normal" again...

so...this is about fighting off the lurking insanity, I guess you might say...

I am open to critique...I know that I broke the rhyme pattern at the was intentional.

Anyway...happy reading...


Fighting off myself again

I crave the touch of sunlight upon my skin
I seek a warmth that I can rarely find within
As I fight against the ebb and wane
Of brain-waves staving off the pain
I'm fighting off myself, again...

And though I know that it is temporary
I revisit the land of wary
Of not trusting, of not needing
And warning bells that I'm not heeding
The nagging urge that seeks bleeding...

I sit on hands that itch to strike and scratch
No self-inflicted wounds shall mar this patch
I am aware of my own danger signs
And slow the pace, roll down the blinds
But suffer softly in my mind...

I seek the sunlit warmth to spread
As I war with darkness in my head
The familiar, tempting, thing I dread

I stand here soaking in the rain

I'm fighting off myself


Submitted on 2005-04-11 12:50:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Hi Barbara, and a heartfelt welcome back !

This was very touching and filled with a heartfelt wistful honesty.

First of all I think your title is very effective in depicting your struggle, and that the repetition in the first strophe, and especially again at the end where you break it up into two lines-keeps the thoughts stitched together.
I also liked the metaphor of the weather for your emotional well-being.
"I crave the touch of sunlight upon my skin
I seek a warmth that I can rarely find within
I thought that was a perfect intro, connoting the healing warmth of the sun, the clarity of light-to both the physical and emotional planes, where you have suffered both cold and darkness.

The second and third strophes are tight and articulate your struggle, and your awareness of that ongoing battle. There is a tension there, a sense that you are steeling yourself and are on guard at all times. Then again you repeat the need for warmth, as you say that you are "soaking in the rain". This alternating of light/warmth with dark/cold also emphasizes the war within, as well as the determination to keep moving into the sunshine.

I think you have done a superb job here, as your feelings come through so honestly and simply, and yet so powerfully.

I wish you sun kissed days and silver dreams.
| Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  this was really good. i dont think that i would change anything about it and depending on how you read it or say it rain and again can rhyme so in a sense you didnt really break the pattern. i have a friend who has multiple personalties and its can be scary but i have been around for a while and it isnt so bad. well most of them arent anyways...theres always a bad one. i love her to death and i help her out in anyway that i can so if you go through anything like that theni feel for you but know that there is hope...
| Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]

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