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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Protectiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Charlenee
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Bay Area
    Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 60/63/9
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1284
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1130



    Description:
       I don't know what I was thinking but I like what I wrote, say what's on your mind, don't be shy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsProtectiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Deep dark horrors
    Whispering truths to me.
    No matter where I run,
    they will forever follow me.
    I can't even dodge them in sleep!
    Although I'm told I look so calm and peaceful.
    Sorry everyone,
    you don't understand.
    But I have seen things
    people twice my age wouldn't understand.

    So many times I wanna
    break down and cry
    Shed these layers and walls
    in which I am forced to hide,
    Away in lonely halls made of stone.
    No one to talk to,
    I'm truly all alone,
    forced to feel betrayed,
    by those I once loved.
    I wanna say
    I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor
    to come and take me away,
    But I know that's not true.
    Besides I don't believe fairy tales are true.
    I'd rather save myself anyways,
    not so much drama,
    and no one new to open up to.
    So I guess I'll end this poem
    with a true confession:
    ' I put myself here,
    for my own protection.'




    Submitted on 2005-04-12 02:22:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      But I know that's not true.
    Besides I don't believe fairy tales are true.

    perhaps this line coukd have been:
    But I know that's not true.
    Besides I don't believe in fairy tales.

    just to avoid the repetition of true in lines right next to each other.

    you could also have split this line up to play a bit more with flow:
    and no one new
    to open up to.

    that way you get a streched rhyme between new and to. i think what the poem lacks is some interesting and unique imagery rather than just telling us what you felt like try to perhaps symbolise or elabourate with emotive images. Oh and ive come across the guy below here before...with all of his perfect solutions. He and i are how do i say, conflicting? So if you dont want passages of the bible PMed to you three times a day...
    anyway i mustnt start on all that again. Hope these few point help. thanks for sharing

    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-05-16 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      protection.

    all the questions here i think so many people have asked themselves. but then i have come to a time in my life when i nolonger have to ask those wuestions coz i know the perfect solution to such times in life. i have had a lot of such times in my life but God has been so graceful ti show me he loves me and so i do not really have to ask questions,. God can protect you, he says you do not even have to lift a finger in your defense coz he will fight for you himself.
    God bless
    | Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by nevender | [ Reply to This ]
      Surprisingly very good, this poem intrigued me the dark reality, of course, is that it is not free choice and donít be burdened by your unfashionable innocence you havenít met your man yet (as you said your knight and shining armor). I like this piece and I really applaud you for this good write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Bang | [ Reply to This ]
      But I have seen things
    people twice my age wouldn't understand.

    These lines spoke a thousan words in themselves. How often to people older then us say, "I'm glad I don't have to deal with what you children have to deal with now days."
    And, we deal with lotta [censored]. It sucks. But, its made our generation tougher, at the same time more screwed up. *Shakes head* Its sad but true and I applaud you for pointing that out.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      Usually I'm good with words and can explain myself perfectly. But with this poem it feels as if u perfectly explained me better than me. I kno what it's like to be very defensive yet seem like nothing is wrong on the exterior. Great Write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by Ensult | [ Reply to This ]
      a thought-provoking poem. simple poem. slang like 'wanna' makes it sound non-poetic but a good try. and yes, at your age, a rather dark poem too..good read. keep writing :)
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]


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