[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Neverdots

    Author: Darkwarrior
    ASL Info:    27
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 60/63/33
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 636

       not one of my best
    but it could be better what can i do to improve it??
    imput please<<<thanx

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I never knew why
    my mind
    caught up in lies
    livin life
    through a straw
    I never realized
    that I could'nt
    if I never let
    ANYONE inside
    never gave up the fact
    that I needed to stop
    lookin back
    dwelling on the past
    it was love
    I lacked
    Because the rules I lived by
    that my mind was forced
    to abide
    and all the hurt I recieved
    took too much time
    to cure it all
    so now
    instead of holding on
    I continuosly

    Submitted on 2005-04-12 08:48:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      if this is not one of your best then i would certainly like to see one of your best for this is extremely compelling and touching... i can definately relate and i love the way you set it out, it makes every word strike home ... good job!
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      i think maybe you should combine some of your sentences such as:
    Because the rules i lived by
    that my mind was forced to abide
    and all the hurt i recieved took to much time..
    it still ryhms and it gives the reader a sense of what you are feeling.. Try putting more emotion into your write..pour yourself and your thoughts into your words.. im not a genius on this stuff..but maybe i can help anyways great write .. Keep going....NICE FLOW , VERY UNIQUE
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by RandiKae | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with liliana,your wording is good and so is the layout, i can too relate to this, nice write, keep em coming x x x x
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      that was a very interesting poem. i can strangely relate to that wuite a bit now that i think about it. i really liked the lines
    Because the rules I lived by
    that my mind was forced
    to abide
    i can really relate to those few lines!
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by liliana1987 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To written by SavedDragon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    Linger written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    This written by Chelebel
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]