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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: write what's rightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 965



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswrite what's rightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    they ask me why i write so black
    why i can't turn around, why i look back.
    how can they understand what you were to me
    why can't i get over what use to be?

    i changed somewhere
    and i don't mean my hair
    but my very existence, from what i can't bear
    for some moments had meaning...i thought for us
    and your love, for a time was sustenance.

    everyday i wake to find i'm not over this yet
    and wonder how bad, how much worse it can get
    and then you're there, and i know at once
    i'm ready to drink by the time it's lunch.

    if i could take myself, turned inside out
    and strip whatever makes me hard, just to see
    your pout
    i think about it...would i really...given
    the choice.
    if i could erase, in my head, your voice...
    i think not...
    but what the hell do i know!




    Submitted on 2005-04-12 10:55:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the title and there are some very good lines. The title has good word play. like a pun, but not funny as this is a serious subject.
    Some lines could be stronger though,but you do convey your emotions
    "but what the hell do i know! "
    An enjoyable read. thanks
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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