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    dots Submission Name: write what's rightdots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1392
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 965

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotswrite what's rightdots

    they ask me why i write so black
    why i can't turn around, why i look back.
    how can they understand what you were to me
    why can't i get over what use to be?

    i changed somewhere
    and i don't mean my hair
    but my very existence, from what i can't bear
    for some moments had meaning...i thought for us
    and your love, for a time was sustenance.

    everyday i wake to find i'm not over this yet
    and wonder how bad, how much worse it can get
    and then you're there, and i know at once
    i'm ready to drink by the time it's lunch.

    if i could take myself, turned inside out
    and strip whatever makes me hard, just to see
    your pout
    i think about it...would i really...given
    the choice.
    if i could erase, in my head, your voice...
    i think not...
    but what the hell do i know!

    Submitted on 2005-04-12 10:55:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the title and there are some very good lines. The title has good word play. like a pun, but not funny as this is a serious subject.
    Some lines could be stronger though,but you do convey your emotions
    "but what the hell do i know! "
    An enjoyable read. thanks
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]

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