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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788

       THis was just something that I wrote thought for thought...I guess I am not thrilled with it but yeah tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    A shadow of doubt clamoring inside skin that breaks
    I muse to see you
    I do adore you
    But in my head I breathe a little better
    I know that these thoughts will never escape
    one wish to keep the silence
    and I pray that you could never know

    A shadow of pain clamoring down into the crevices of my heart
    what pain I could speak of if you knew the layings of this place
    if you saw your own face here on my walls
    the walls of a heart that you will never know belongs to you
    so...stop the questions
    you know I could never resist you
    I could never deny you
    stop before I reveal too much
    and I have to watch once again the digust on your face
    please stop asking me if I am okay

    Submitted on 2005-04-12 12:21:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you do express very well.i do try to determine if the motivation is just that great to you,is the reason you excell,or would you be good at writing just about anything(maybe say short stories)
    i believe the the latter

    wes all toyysruss
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a very deep write so much to say probably one of the best i've read in along time
    the title choice was good as well because you leave us not knowing the subject very nice image great write and terrific read
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Apparently you must be talking about someone who is constantly asking if you are okay. I like it though. This is a very good write. I hope that you keep up all your writings like you do. My words that I write aren't as powerful as yours are though. I like this a lot.
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by manda_bear | [ Reply to This ]
      Very powerful. I like the way you completely expressed your emotions. "stop before i reaveal too much" seems like a plea, but it is hard to tell because there is no punctuation. Writing for yourself and leaving out punctuation is fine, but when you post your works, it helps others to better understand if you punctuate.
    | Posted on 2005-04-12 00:00:00 | by orange | [ Reply to This ]

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