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    dots Submission Name: Between now and thendots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1375
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 862

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

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    dotsBetween now and thendots

    Between now and then, lie laughter and tears
    and the fear of what, I now know as real.
    Between now and then, lie the memories of
    times that I'll never know
    and how you say I helped you grow.
    Between now and then holds a touch
    that brought me back from an edge that i wanted too much
    from a line that i walked in a life
    burdened by strife
    Between now and then things have changed
    oh, i've grown so deranged
    and how i once fit you perfectly you said
    embraced, entangled, lying in bed.
    now pushed on the floor and into the corner
    refered to in chit-chat only as "former"
    shrunken, faded, and forgotten.
    forgotten how good it was to slip me on,
    alone, cold and empty.....you're gone.
    between now and then.

    Submitted on 2005-04-13 19:22:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was beautiful. I thought the pattern and rythem was excellent. I really have nothing else to say other than raves. great job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed it. The repetition was great and suited the title, or vice versa. As the relationship wears on you seem to lose importance , and get tossed "on the floor and into the corner" like a piece of clothing that's out of fashion .

    Then you say "she forgot " how good it was to slip me on," It really does sound like you are no longer important and have been abandoned. Most can relate to that.
    Good luck
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was really good. I can't wait to read more from you. I can relate to your feelings. Maybe we've had similar heartbreak, but I guess that's all too common. Anyways, great writing I love it.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by ash20819 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. The rythm was great, everything was perfect i cant see any flaws in this piece. I can relate to tht feeling of rejection and abadonment and it was well displayed- definitely adding your poem to my favorites- great write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That was a great poem i really liked the style of writing. It was really good. it gives me something to think about now. Keep writing because i know your poems are going to keep getting better.
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by Marisa | [ Reply to This ]

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