[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Between now and thendots

    Author: closetpoet
    Elite Ratio:    2.25 - 51/106/70
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1258
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 862

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween now and thendots

    Between now and then, lie laughter and tears
    and the fear of what, I now know as real.
    Between now and then, lie the memories of
    times that I'll never know
    and how you say I helped you grow.
    Between now and then holds a touch
    that brought me back from an edge that i wanted too much
    from a line that i walked in a life
    burdened by strife
    Between now and then things have changed
    oh, i've grown so deranged
    and how i once fit you perfectly you said
    embraced, entangled, lying in bed.
    now pushed on the floor and into the corner
    refered to in chit-chat only as "former"
    shrunken, faded, and forgotten.
    forgotten how good it was to slip me on,
    alone, cold and empty.....you're gone.
    between now and then.

    Submitted on 2005-04-13 19:22:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this was beautiful. I thought the pattern and rythem was excellent. I really have nothing else to say other than raves. great job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-08 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed it. The repetition was great and suited the title, or vice versa. As the relationship wears on you seem to lose importance , and get tossed "on the floor and into the corner" like a piece of clothing that's out of fashion .

    Then you say "she forgot " how good it was to slip me on," It really does sound like you are no longer important and have been abandoned. Most can relate to that.
    Good luck
    | Posted on 2005-04-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was really good. I can't wait to read more from you. I can relate to your feelings. Maybe we've had similar heartbreak, but I guess that's all too common. Anyways, great writing I love it.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by ash20819 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. The rythm was great, everything was perfect i cant see any flaws in this piece. I can relate to tht feeling of rejection and abadonment and it was well displayed- definitely adding your poem to my favorites- great write.
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! That was a great poem i really liked the style of writing. It was really good. it gives me something to think about now. Keep writing because i know your poems are going to keep getting better.
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by Marisa | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    The World written by jjd
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]