Hell in those eyes by Josh

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Submission Name: Hell in those eyes dots

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Author:	Josh
ASL Info:	17/nh
Elite Ratio:	5.61 - 276/226/30
Words:	178

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	262
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1079

Description:

Hell in those eyes dots

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I was thinking today about how beautiful you look when you cry.
Seems a bit creepy i can imagine
Little rounded shapes of tissue that swell
to jolt your consciousness, and turn puffy red.
They make you look so lonely sometimes
Down here i am no one to judge
the paradox to their purpose,
looking outwards and faithful
but what could have caused such hell?
God you look lonely, i still have to ask
although theres tons of us in hell already
filled with love that isn't there
No one says a word though, and why should we?
We are wholely reassured in the warm sea
or at least content
meager and lifeless to except the wave
sure as hell not to ride it.
Feels like a higher plain of thought, a high road of scary purpose, and of far less importance.
most would agree.
ust those soft eyes, with integrity
and sadness,
Convice me to play the devil
no one could make a girl like that cry otherwise.

Submitted on 2005-04-14 14:49:57 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This was very very good...I enjoyed reading it the whole way through...there was no problem with keeping the readers attention. this was in some ways errie and creepy...haunting even...good emotion, descriptions and definatly great imagry. I have to agree with one of your previous commenter...this is more sweet than "creepy" in the fact itself...wow I loved your wording...this was a good write. thnx for posting. keep writing...hope to read more from you in the future.
Peace
| Posted on 2005-11-02 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  Nothing wrong with it and I found it haunting. That though she looks beautiful when she cries only a devil would make her cry to see the beauty in her crying eyes. That when you see it, a piece of hell fires through. Its sad, I think.
| Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by impassive sky | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. so good. this was one of those things that made you wonder why we cry when people can see. hehehe. i like how you were like "your beautiful when you cry, i know its kinda creepy" that actually made me laugh. one of those things that u don't really wanna say aloud. lol. anyways, i liked it and i like how you thought about it and not just went on about how you felt. i thought it was good. great perspective. ~Cat~
| Posted on 2005-05-01 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it alot. I believe that evreyone is at thier most beautiful when they open up. Not only that but it shows trust and compassion. I dont know why you would think its creepy. I dont I think it is really sweet. If I were told this while I was cring I doubt I would be cring any more, but laughing. one thing. You forgot a j on just , 4 from the bottom.
Thats all. But I really like this, if my favorites was working I'd add it.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Kacey
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes I agree with charmedidentity. Something draws me to this poem. But I can't figure it out.
Something about it I really love and enjoy. It sounds like such a wonderful poem. I just wish I can pick up why I enjoyed reading it.

It said you like the way she crys, and than you said it sounds creepy. I dont think its creepy. I think you have you favs

stephanie

Good Write
Enjoyed here
Keep writing'
and I will keep reading
and if you get a chance check out my stuff
I think you can give me some good advise
| Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  There is something about this poem that draws me towards it but i cannot find out what it is. But at the same time, there is something that bothers me in that poem but i don't know what it is.
I can say one thing though, i really like this poem and i don't know why. There are certain things that just doesn't go with the poem , like "Seems a bit creepy i can imagine". Didn't really think it fit although it's very conversational. Some other parts of it needs to be a bit polished i think but it doesn't matter cause i really like how it sounds.
Well done.
| Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  2nd line- you need a "that" after "creepy". "i" needs to be capitalized.
3rd and 4th line- do the tissues get puffy red, or the eyes, or the skin around the eyes?
5th line- do the eyes or the tissues makes this person look lonely sometimes?
6th line- "i" needs to be capitalized.
10th line- "i" needs to be capitalized.
11th line- change "theres" to "there's."
"filled with love that isn't there" is an oxymoron.
16th line- "except" should be "accept."
18th line- needs to be split up into 3 different lines:
1. Feels like a higher plane of thought
2. A high road of scary purpose
3. Of far less imporatance (yes, I took out the "And").
"Ust those soft eyes"- I think "ust" is a typo, though I don't know what word it's supposed to be. Dust?
I don't think integrity and sadness needs to be on separate lines or have a comma in between them.
With that out of the way, very interesting poem. A bit morbid and pessimistic. Also, there are hints at sadism (deriving pleasure from someone elses pain. [and helplessness in this case.])
Personally, I think people, including myself look ugly when they cry (and I mean really cry!)
I've had a couple of boyfriends in the past that told me I looked so cute and endearing or beautiful when I was sad. Then, it seemed they would go out of their way to bring me to that state, so they could enjoy it. Of course, this wasn't a major whaling- more like whimpers and pouts. They were both quite sadistic in this way. I think it was the vulnerability they wouldn't have had any other way of witnessing that they delighted in so much.
| Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]

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