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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Virgin Playboydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jinx
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 44/58/26
    Words: 202
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 316
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1350



    Description:
       i've looked over this for the first time in quite a while and made some adjustments. since it's not new, i know i wont get comments, so (sorry- i know its irritating) i posted it again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots Virgin Playboydots
    -------------------------------------------


    in one instant,
    the whole earth shifted.
    he was a leopard-print cliché;
    i'd seen this so many times before,
    but it was different this time.
    he held the door,
    and the whole world swung open for me.
    he pushed the puddle to the left
    so i wouldn't wet my shoes.
    he slayed my fire-breathing mother
    and rescued me from a saturday night alone.

    i had never expected to fit like a puzzle piece
    into a stereotype.
    i have always lived as the orange crayon
    in box of green;
    but he made the world shift,
    and suddenly
    i've found a brighter green to fall in love with.

    He's a virgin playboy,
    he drives his sister's mustang;
    rides an apaloosa wearing golden armour.

    even though
    he's the same as any other heartthrob,
    no red flags alert me
    that he is hot sauce on ice cream.

    he's a vortex.
    with a thought, he changes the universe;
    the norm becomes extraordinary.

    and that leaves me with the puzziling inquiry;
    "has he simply shifted my perceptions as well?
    has he blinded me against his dissapointing normality?
    or have i really found a better green crayon?"




    Submitted on 2005-04-14 20:22:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Reading it for the first time - and it sounds good :) I'd suggest some work on the closing line, about the green crayon - but I love the beginning. 'Leopard-print cliché' is hilarious, and my favourite part has to be 'he pushed the puddle to the left' - simple, effective - it works :)

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      wow such imagery i must say my fav part was "he's a vortex.
    with a thought, he changes the universe;
    the norm becomes extraordinary."

    its cute, it could use some work.. "green crayon" becomes a little too much..try rewording the last stanza
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by lolavie | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this first time reading it and to tell the truth I ...like it, it has unique wordplay its creative and well I just like it. I'll keep on the lookout for anything else you put out aight. 1 love
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]



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