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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Skeleton Keydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DevilDinosaur
    ASL Info:    28/M/MR American
    Elite Ratio:    6.53 - 293/197/46
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 941
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       I'm not sure? Written very late at night while intoxicated. Ideally I would want the two parts facing each other on opposite pages (or beside each other on the same page, but I couldn't pull it off here).


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSkeleton Keydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her father was told many times
    That she would never know
    Or even be aware of him,
    But still he loved her so

    And as she sits by the window
    Framed by the mirrored sunset
    Her father still speaks softly
    To his little silhouette

    **********************

    Some locks are not of iron,
    Her mother was often told
    And some of the things they guard
    Are more precious than silver or gold.

    So her mother tunes her voice each night
    To the susurrus of the sea.
    She matches the tidal rhythm
    And sings in a skeleton key




    Submitted on 2005-04-15 04:27:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not sure what to say about this, I love it but that isn't enough. The opposing viewpoints both seem loving but sad- if it is a spiteful mom she comes across more as protective-I wonder why he can never know her? It really paints a picture in my mind, but probably not was intended. I always think of fairytale like settings not contemporary so instead of a spiteful mom not letting the father see his daughter-(and if she was singing a key not a lock, wouldn't that indicate a release?) I pictured an enchanted girl in a tower above the sea- the sun setting on the water- a curse upon her her mother singing to her to stave of something terrible or maybe just to calm her and perhaps the ghost of her father watching it all and speaking to her though she cannot hear him. Just the pictures in my head mind you :) Silly I know- but I never outgrew fairytales.
    | Posted on 2006-07-25 00:00:00 | by laursal | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm, there are so many different ways to take this piece, and all of them heartbreaking and sad. Did the child die? Did a parent? Was father finally united with daughter?
    Any meaning/purpose you have for this piece would work and be right on, and the words used convey so much emotion without saying too much. A true talent. Great write,
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-11-28 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very moving and sad poem. To me, this is a all too familiar tale in our society today. This reads like the mother is extremely resentful of the father and does not want him to have anything to do with his daughter. It is so sad in these situations as the child is the innocent one but is always the one who ends up hurt and paying a high price for something they had no control over. They are caught in the middle of ill feelings between the parents. Very sad indeed. This is very well written and expressed. Nice work. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the flow of this, and the originality was very good. The subject conveyed good emotion. It's too bad you couldn't have the format you intended. Nice piece.
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very unique. You have a great mind! The skeleton key is a great metaphor here. I have never heard any thing like this. You are proving your talent with this. I was in complete "awwww" after reading this!

    Great job!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by ThaCrib | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautifully written. Almost brought a little tear to my eye. My mother had the talent to whisper like the ocean as well. She could always calm the storm in the abscence of my father. Excellent Job.
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Jessa | [ Reply to This ]
      Very thought provoking, I don't know whether the mother is being protective or spiteful (I've seen both cases). This might serve as a warning to careless fatherhood, or to being a bad father/husband. Everyone loses.

    This is one of the saddest situations to develop in what should be a family. It is good that you call attention to it and the more people that read it the better.
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      A very touching poem, you really showed the conflict inside the mother, obviously the girl wants to know about him, but
    "some of the things they guard
    Are more precious than silver or gold." Very nicely done
    Be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice. I love the way it flows, especially both sides together. For some reason I thought of my mom while reading this. I could picture myself sitting by her bed watching. Not such a wrenchng memory after all these years (she died in '90), just sad. Good work here.
    | Posted on 2005-04-15 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem(s). It fits together well. The father not knowing his daughter, the mother singing to her. It's sad that the father doesn't get to know his child.
    It does seem to need a bit more.. I'm just not sure what.
    It's a very touching, lovely poem.

    Take Care!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, here I go, out on a limb. I get the feeling from this that the mother had kept the father out of the picture, and then the mother has passed on. The girl is alone, watching the sun go down from her window. Dad is wanting to talk to her from outside and mom is whispering on the waves. I am probably totally off, maybe the term 'skeleton key' sent me that way.

    If you want to know how to post this as two columns I can walk you through it. I did it on my 'Questions and Answers' and then changed it back. It's a time consuming process, but looks cool.

    Anyways, I enjoyed this melancholy read. Hit the heartstrings,
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


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