Description: I'm not sure? Written very late at night while intoxicated. Ideally I would want the two parts facing each other on opposite pages (or beside each other on the same page, but I couldn't pull it off here).
I'm not sure what to say about this, I love it but that isn't enough. The opposing viewpoints both seem loving but sad- if it is a spiteful mom she comes across more as protective-I wonder why he can never know her? It really paints a picture in my mind, but probably not was intended. I always think of fairytale like settings not contemporary so instead of a spiteful mom not letting the father see his daughter-(and if she was singing a key not a lock, wouldn't that indicate a release?) I pictured an enchanted girl in a tower above the sea- the sun setting on the water- a curse upon her her mother singing to her to stave of something terrible or maybe just to calm her and perhaps the ghost of her father watching it all and speaking to her though she cannot hear him. Just the pictures in my head mind you :) Silly I know- but I never outgrew fairytales.
Hm, there are so many different ways to take this piece, and all of them heartbreaking and sad. Did the child die? Did a parent? Was father finally united with daughter? Any meaning/purpose you have for this piece would work and be right on, and the words used convey so much emotion without saying too much. A true talent. Great write, Traci :)
This is a very moving and sad poem. To me, this is a all too familiar tale in our society today. This reads like the mother is extremely resentful of the father and does not want him to have anything to do with his daughter. It is so sad in these situations as the child is the innocent one but is always the one who ends up hurt and paying a high price for something they had no control over. They are caught in the middle of ill feelings between the parents. Very sad indeed. This is very well written and expressed. Nice work. Take care.
This was very unique. You have a great mind! The skeleton key is a great metaphor here. I have never heard any thing like this. You are proving your talent with this. I was in complete "awwww" after reading this!
This was beautifully written. Almost brought a little tear to my eye. My mother had the talent to whisper like the ocean as well. She could always calm the storm in the abscence of my father. Excellent Job.
Very thought provoking, I don't know whether the mother is being protective or spiteful (I've seen both cases). This might serve as a warning to careless fatherhood, or to being a bad father/husband. Everyone loses.
This is one of the saddest situations to develop in what should be a family. It is good that you call attention to it and the more people that read it the better.
A very touching poem, you really showed the conflict inside the mother, obviously the girl wants to know about him, but "some of the things they guard Are more precious than silver or gold." Very nicely done Be Happy Graeme
Very nice. I love the way it flows, especially both sides together. For some reason I thought of my mom while reading this. I could picture myself sitting by her bed watching. Not such a wrenchng memory after all these years (she died in '90), just sad. Good work here.
This is an interesting poem(s). It fits together well. The father not knowing his daughter, the mother singing to her. It's sad that the father doesn't get to know his child. It does seem to need a bit more.. I'm just not sure what. It's a very touching, lovely poem.
Ok, here I go, out on a limb. I get the feeling from this that the mother had kept the father out of the picture, and then the mother has passed on. The girl is alone, watching the sun go down from her window. Dad is wanting to talk to her from outside and mom is whispering on the waves. I am probably totally off, maybe the term 'skeleton key' sent me that way.
If you want to know how to post this as two columns I can walk you through it. I did it on my 'Questions and Answers' and then changed it back. It's a time consuming process, but looks cool.
Anyways, I enjoyed this melancholy read. Hit the heartstrings, -Chell-