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Roleplay | Viral news today | Music Theory

i reassured myself


Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 77
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 720
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 514



Description:

yeah, there's no punctuation for a reason and it needs a title so all suggestions are welcomed...that's the end of my description


i reassured myself


i reassured myself
that i didnt love you
didnt need you

but now as i see you
i taste you
i breathe you

i went months without missing you
then to feel your embrace
sends my thoughts and my heart
skyrocketing into space

im counting down the hours
the minutes the seconds
until i will be in your arms
but this brief meeting
cant keep our love from fleeting
into hundreds of miles apart...




Submitted on 2005-04-15 13:42:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Okay.

I have a soft spot for these things because I can identify. Long distance relationship... that kind of thing.

Punctuation? Who gives a ... it doesn't matter if it's there or not, as long as you know how to make pauses. And you did that with the good ole return/enter key. So it's whatever.

It was the perfect example of 'longing' so it fit perfectly into the category. I too would warn of staying away from clichés. Your wording and placing made this something different, but this right here

'i reassured myself
that i didnt love you
didnt need you

but now as i see you
i taste you
i breathe you'

was a lot like something I've heard or seen before.

The rest of it was fine. My favorite was all of this

'i went months without missing you
then to feel your embrace
sends my thoughts and my heart
skyrocketing into space'

...and about your end.

'cant keep our love from fleeting
into hundreds of miles apart...'

I think it's fine. It doesn't take a genius to realize what you mean. It makes a distinction between what you and ... SUDIE for example, would write when trying to say the same thing. Love really does fleet, if you want it to, for the sake of poetry, and being creative, and saying things in a way that they have not been said before.

Whew. Well, if I didn't say so before, I liked this.

~Akhi~