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COME REVISED


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 98
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 651
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 668



Description:




COME REVISED



Come.
tame the fire that burns inside my soul.
The flames I can't control.
Lift me high,
let me fly,
watch me cry,
make me come
to you.
Come,
lets glide and slide
the wet droplets
of desire.
build the fire,
and fly.
Know the fire that burns inside my eye,
as you learn the secrets of my thigh.
Come apply
small nips, and dips
with those warm and lusicous lips.
come and hold me
as I come
to you.
Sooth my greed
feed my need
and let me
come
to you.







Submitted on 2005-04-16 11:35:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is insane. It works better than most professional poetry I've heard. Change NOTHING, or I will be angry. Seriously, I'll throw stuff... and stuff...
Great writing, mood is fluid throughout.
More.
-Brian
| Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice, the only thing i see that could be changed it

The flames I can't control.

to

The flames I can not control.

just because it flows a little better

other than that

very funny and well writen

flipside
milo
| Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this alot..Good write although you can always change some things..but im not sure i can point them out in this piece..goodgoodgood...HAHA...well i liekd this alot..which i have said..but canu look at my poem "i hate it"? In advance...Thanx
| Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]


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