Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Kaught


Author: Oracle
ASL Info:    24/ F /NY
Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 423 /313 /46
Words: 91
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1078
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 648



Description:


Resubmit, PLEASE DON'T JUST CLICK OUT, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!
Even if it's the worse thing you've ever read!


Kaught



You burst into the cool of night
hear his voice,
stars shine bright.

Running through the underbrush...
Quick, here they come!
Hurry...Hurry
Now! Double back...
Let them run.

Holy howls rend the air..
tripping, running back, see who feel into your lair.

Watching.....
'Round the hold many eyes are lite
Brethern from every nation flit
Gather round...... we caught HIM in the pit.

We now see how justice lies
the faulted seed with no disguise
he thought to see us die...
We wait to see him fry!




Submitted on 2005-04-16 18:51:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  The pacing on this one is stunning. It moves with force cuz of your phrasing and short strong wording. It made me frantic as I read it which IMO is what this piece is all about. The frantic moves of night.

"Running through the underbrush"
my fave line
| Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
  i think that this is a wonderful piece. you did some really great work with this but you seem to always do well with your pieces. great work lia
| Posted on 2005-05-28 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked the "holy howls." you have a few typos... "lite" should be "lit," "hold" should be "hole," and "feel" should be "fell." sorry, i don't mean to be the typo police! it'll just read better with the right words. i like this, that we shine the light right at the devil and catch him in his misdeeds. hooray for the good side! i'm curious as to why you spelled caught with a k...?
| Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  I wish I could give you something to help you achieve what you want but I am still under constrution myself smile. Rhyme and reason always impresses me. `Appreciating always, cheryl.
| Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



54930