Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hedonistic Hebetudedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Prose/Passion
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1092



    Description:
       An afternoon of bliss and the stark reality of family life for second marriage newlyweds.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHedonistic Hebetudedots
    -------------------------------------------




    A hammock for two, bathed in a warm April sun
    Quiet, self-indulgance of each other
    The sun's heat enhanced by her already burning sensuality

    Limbs entwined as the new growth above us sway their approval
    Kaliedoscopic colors and wafting spring scents
    fuel the perfection of the moment
    The creak of the hammock as a metronome, sets the rhythm of our undulation

    Butterflys and dragonflys hover effortlessly on the wind
    humming bird wingbeats and a birdsong
    A symphony of nature serenades us

    She traces her tongue down my chest and belly
    A breeze cools as the fire builds
    I take her nipple, it stiffens as I tongue it gently
    Her breathing quickens into short forced gasps

    The culmination is certain, a natural feast
    Reality beckons, a cruel slap of reason
    The children, their stealthful scampering approaching
    It bursts the moment they wail, "whens' lunch?"









    Submitted on 2005-04-17 13:50:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a piece that puts a smile on my face. You take such a private little moment in a sea of a million others and make it stand out. The best part is I can see everything in my head, i could even hear the kids running towards you and felt a moment of panic as your minds realize that soon you would no longer be alone. I can always count on you to remind me of what love feels like and some days it is exactly what i need. so thank you and keep em' coming
    | Posted on 2005-04-25 00:00:00 | by Ann | [ Reply to This ]
      gotta love the kids...

    anyway, i thought this was a pretty decent piece. i think you captured that moment quite well as you froze it in a subtle disguise. frozen yet still active. [good move]

    there's really nothing to complain about in this piece.

    it was well written.
    | Posted on 2005-04-17 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      RRRrrrrrr...good 4 u both & your sunsual hammock adventures! Yep, kids say the darndest things & always @ a time when it's not most opportune. But as you said, that's reality. I'm glad you can get the best of both worlds! Love, Peace, Joy & Hammock Hanky!
    | Posted on 2005-04-17 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Dang kids...lol. You created such a beautifil and peaceful picture. But I can't help but wonder how hard it would be to do it in a hammock. Heh.
    | Posted on 2005-04-17 00:00:00 | by Amberdy | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesus, Dave, how can you burst my bubble like that? You drag me up the ladder, dangle from the diving board, then the bloody kids let the water out of the pool!
    Nicely written, mate, I dare you to try and write a hate poem, I bet you can't. LOL
    Cheers
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-04-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm, this is enough to warm up anyone's Sunday afternoon. I loved the way you described the nature scene, and the sensually vivid emotions being felt (very hot)... and then..being intrusively interrupted by kids wanting their lunch...lol.

    Very nice..
    It is a beautiful day here in the south isn't it?

    A most enjoyable read.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-04-17 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    55035

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Live In Between written by teika5
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry