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    dots Submission Name: August's Nautical Twilightdots

    Author: CleoCollier
    ASL Info:    40/F/South
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 83/84/26
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1294
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 472

       summer tryst

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAugust's Nautical Twilightdots

    Sing Katydids, sing!
    Join me on my journey down the cool boreen.
    Guard with a rising, throbbing timbre
    The corncrib hideaway
    In the bosky bramble shaded tangle.

    Chirr Katydids, chirr
    Ode to Dylan's graduation
    And fried catfish dinners
    Cithara and chimes of a seraphim duet
    Would not stir me as the
    croaking of frogs, the creaking of our bed

    Against the whir of the Katydids

    Submitted on 2005-04-17 19:58:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I can hear them now, those Katydidds, in the shrubbed woods at twilight. A love nest amonst nature's beauty and of course the best sound of all, that creaking bed. You certainly have a way with words! Quite literary! I notice that your work doesn't get the attention and comments it deserves. My sense is that perhaps the message at times gets lost in the words. I'm not suggesting you dumb down, but your not reaching as many people as you could!

    Anyway, I liked it!

    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      OOOO AHHHH, a summer tryst! I know your writings cause i get to see them first hand before everyone else, and I know how good they are... HEY! WAIT A MINNIT! I DID NOT EVEN KNOW YOU IN AUGUST! So this isn't about me... hmmmmmmm? never mind
    still love ya ne ways
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot thank you. Instant memories of half-forgotten nursery and nonsense rhymes that always seemed to make sense whatever the weather.
    August is the perfect backdrop for these noises and whilst the caps at the start of most lines (to me) act as something of a dam in the flow, the overall construction and language make for a gentle punt under overhanging willows. There are some well chosen words but I would try another word for the second sing maybe, because it jams a bit right at the start. Why not dance - after all, their din is the result of a dance of sorts...
    What would I know?
    Lighter shades of Jabberwock...
    I do know that I like this though.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      Cleo, this is too good! I like the two first-line-similarity, it works well. Some of the home-grown slang's over my head, of course, but it doesn't detract, just makes you wonder things like: "wonder what a tange is?"
    It's got the three musts, a great start to hook you in, a good story, and a killer finish.
    You can't ask for more than that, I'm very impressed.
    Five Stars!
    Be Happy
    | Posted on 2005-04-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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