Queen of Quixotic by rocknpoetrychik

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Submission Name: Queen of Quixotic dots

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Author:	rocknpoetrychik
ASL Info:	20/Female/Someplace
Elite Ratio:	4.06 - 331/281/44
Words:	66

Class/Type:	Poetry/Mirror or Mask
Total Views:	342
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	455

Description:
dont know what to say about this.. i seem to be disconnected

Queen of Quixotic dots

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Silently wept,
Grasping onto the idea of nothingness,
Open wounds of transparency,
Festering in the simplicity of others,
I sit next to dead cells,
They move, though i know what they really are,
Lifeless and gone to me,
Is this enlightenment?
Or am I just lost to the world?
Disconnected like my thoughts, words, actions
I am the Baroness of Barren
The Queen of Quixotic

Submitted on 2005-04-18 01:06:30 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  i have to say the ending was the best part in my opinion.

Disconnected like my thoughts, words, actions

kinda of give that overall view to me.

the 'dead cells' part was a bit confusing. a number of things come to mind of what they might be but not sure which one exactly.

lovely.
| Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]

Silently wept,
grasping onto the idea of nothingness.
Open wounds of transparency,
festering in the simplicity of others.
I sit next to dead cells,
they move, though I know
what they really are.
Lifeless and gone to me,
is this enlightenment?
Or am I just lost to the world?
Disconnected,
like my thoughts and words.
I am the Baroness of Barren,
the Queen Quixotic.

Forgive me for butchering this poem to how I might've arranged it if this was my own. I loved this work, it definitely did seem like you felt disconnected.

The most important thing I changed was the end line. It was already effective, but by deleting 'of', it seemed to flow and sound much better... do you agree? I left the capitalization for both Queen and Quixotic for that is the end statement, what brings it around full circle, and what stands out the most for me.

Now this is just me, but I try not to capitalize on each line. I used to all the time, but I found that I could arrange my thoughts into a more coherent manner by doing the tried and true. This is just my reflection on what seems to do the most justice to this piece. Each to their own though, it can be different for each poem you write. I just felt the way I changed it, worked better visually, you know?

I also shortened the third to last line to 'like my thoughts and words'. What do you think?

As I said, this is meant to be totally constructive help. Leave it how it is if you don't think this will make it any better, both in form and in the two chopped out words.

You did say that you thought that I seemed like I would give good feedback, I'm sure you didn't mean this though lol.

So, get back to me with what you think. I'd be interested to know.

The heart of the poem, the words and what you expressed were conceptually pure and rang a bell for me. It was an already excellently composed write.

So PLEASE don't feel like I trampled all over this one, because I didn't. I was trying to improve it, ok?

Ok, cool
Cheers. Don't hate me for this! lol
*Jase*
| Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this. You had alliteration near the end, which is one of my favorite things in poetry (In fact I was just commenting to someone else on that)
Hmmm you moving dead cells kind of threw me off I didn't understand how the dead could be all up an about, but I think as I kept reading I was able to piece it together.
Nice Write
| Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
  well... dead can mean a lot of things... dead and moving classifies under mental lethargy... more or less being part of the "corset club" and their smiles.

i know how it feels to walk in the territory of pop culture with a bird's eye view of the truth that they are simply "pop-pets" (as my friend would label them.) i think it's coz the lifestyle is seductive if you don't see pass the colors and the glamorized ease in saying something or doing something that has been done before in that precise level.
(how many overused "i love you's" and "baby's" can this world take.)

i know going against the flow is frustrating in a sense that you begin to question your stand... but, you have to remember that in most cases, numbers mean nothing if they all say the same thing. and, the fact that you question your existence even in a simple way as this... is a sign of authenticity and a desire for actual development.

keep writing.
| Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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