I’m a bottle of vodka
to be mixed, sipped,
and put away before you
on me all in one night;
coated in fuzzy realism.
I’m czarina of the party.
Dance for me,
and I’ll laugh in bell tones
up and down the scale,
as you twirl into oblivion
like a toy-
amusing for a minute.
Wipe off the leaden powder,
I’m a blossom soft by morning.
Touch - my flesh is real.
It won’t disappear when I cry,
but it will redden with scorches
from the sun.
(or when passions arouse me)
I’m the mother ocean’s touch
when the tide comes back to you,
weeping so to see familiarity.
Swim with me.
You’ll be buoyant with my salt.
I'm a strength-
unanchored to this world.
| i lov eit .. i love this style.. and the comaparison .. i just love it .. and the wording is good... it flows well... very good writing ...! |
my dear ... i hope to hear from you soon
peace and love.. and please assess my writings..
peace and love!
|| Posted on 2005-12-06 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ] || Now this one comes in the wake of David's rich assessment of this poem, to which I concur. He's hit it and said it as I would like to say it. I wouldn't fret over the comments of ANYone named "lostinbeer" . . . talk about surface impressions or ummm shallow verse! But hey, we can't all be critics, or poets . . . |
Maybe he didn't like the vodka?
I thought this was a gentle, warm poem . . . and it never lost this touch throughout, never waxed egotistical, and added a light touch of humility, even a little self-deprecation, sprinkled in just the right amounts. I can't find anything to criticise here.
A poem to the self is always a tricky prospect, but you've carried it off and left me feeling . . . a warmth of the spirit and smiling.
|| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ] || Beautiful imagery and a great flow. Unfortunately the content reads like a horoscope. This piece defines you as much as the picture on your profile page does, meaning it doesn't, it only gives a shallow and superficial impression. If that's what you wanted you did a great job.|
Keep it up =]
|| Posted on 2005-04-27 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ] || Two place I want to know more:|
> Wipe off the leaden powder,
I don't understand this metaphor. I'm probably lacking some basic background experience that makes it meaningful.
> I'm a strength-
> unanchored to this world.
I just know this has more meaning than I'm getting from it. Why unanchored to this world? I look back in the preceding lines for a clue, and I'm missing it.
As a whole, this piece is beautiful. I loved reading it, and I'm going back to read it again, right now! Thanks for sharing.
|| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ] || You're a bottle of vodka. Are you saying you have no hips? Just kidding!|
I think that the most original and delightful line you have written in this piece is where you say that you will laugh in bell tones. That is fresh and an excellent aural image. I'm not saying that the remainder isn't adequate, it is, but that line stands out from the rest substantialy for me.
So that's where peals of laughter come from, eh? The bells.
|| Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ] || Hmm. I don't know quite what to say. Each stanza could be its own poem, which I guess should be the case when writing something of this nature. It's an interesting concept and you've executed it well. But that is not enough because the poem is so much more.|
I should say that each stanza has great beauty in it. Your similes are original and spot on. I do sense a bit of sadness in some of it though, particularly the second stanza, when you see yourself as a plaything to be indulged upon for but a moments pleasure. It sucks to feel like that, but then you don't drown in it, as you bounce back nicely with the passion stanza.
You know how much I love your work so you can take this for what it's worth: I think this is one of the most beautiful things you've ever written. You are often playful and imaginitive to the point where some of your references are obscure enough to render them almost untranslatable (<-nice word, eh). This is not meant to be a criticism, as you always get your point across one way or another. It's just that in this piece every word seems like the perfect one, and when totaled the sum leaves me wanting to know you better somehow.
Oh, and it goes without saying, the whole thing is God damn sexy! But then again, how could you write an honest piece about how lovers have preceived you without being sexy?
|| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ] || it sounds from your first verse like you'd pack quite a hangover if taken in large doses, ms. sunshine! lol! i like the somehwat whimsical nature of this, how you describe yourself in different ways to different people. i love the comparison of your laughter to bell tones. i wrote something like that about my nancycat, a deep bell resounding in my soul... my only suggestion here is to leave a line break before|
I'm a strength-
unanchored to this world.
nice to see you posting again. how is that big queen Don doing?
|| Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ] |