Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ridedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cindergarden1
    ASL Info:    18 Male Sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 43/58/17
    Words: 164
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Death
    Total Views: 832
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1121



    Description:
       This is a fictional suicide poem inspired by a friend of the family who killed himself by driving into a moving truck.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stereo's playing substitutes
    Songs providing parachutes
    We're moving and I feel like crossing the line

    Drivers moving passengers
    Radio waves are messengers
    I'm driving and I feel like crossing the line

    I keep my hands on the wheel
    I won't explain how I feel
    You're crying and I feel like crossing the line

    I am going nowhere
    At least I'm going there with you
    You made me pull over
    Spend one more night with you
    I really had no answers
    When you asked me why
    You cried and you kissed me
    And I knew it was goodbye

    Headlights ending reveries
    Traffic numbing memories
    I'm silent but I feel like crossing the line

    So pretty sleeping by my side
    My home's beneath me and you're my bride
    Forgive me but I need to cross the line

    Push the metal, change the lane
    Nothing of us shall remain
    I'm driving us too fast and I'm crossing the line





    Submitted on 2005-04-18 17:52:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think some people are missing out on the fact that these are song lyrics . . . from the comments . . . it's obvious they are, and I'd have to say so far I liked this the best. I'd be very interested in hearing what the music sounds like, so send me a copy! I have friends in the music industry, and I don't hang with them as much as I used to but my brother still does their sound system and goes on tour with them. The other friend is a very talented musician from Philidelphia, here in the states. These guys are damned good, and the LoveHammers just signed their first album/cd deal with a major label (though they have self-produced six so far, I believe). It's a tough gig, but I have a strong appreciation for music and a good ear, so I guess what I'm saying is pass em on to me, let me take a listen, and I'll write more after. Thanks, bro!
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      I am going nowhere
    At least I'm going there with you
    You made me pull over
    Spend one more night with you
    I really had no answers
    When you asked me why
    You cried and you kissed me
    And I knew it was goodbye

    That's rad bro. That was an AWESOME stanza. I liked the whole thing. The first two stanza's were kinda iffy though, everything else was totally kick ass.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Blaith Hawthen | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem is ok it could be better but you got the point across about whats going on it seems like yor fed up in this one and your one step awya from doing something unthinkable. But its kinda sad that this is actually true about someone switching into the other lane and causing hisself to be hit by a truck.My heart goes out to you and your family and may that rest in peice. 1 love
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by C. Flava | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't really critique this. VERY good. The stanza of "I fell like crossing the line" is great. I love the different beginnings of them. Not that repeativeness is a bad thing, but it just fits so well with this poem.

    It's totally going on my faves list.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by QuietDiscontent | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    55211

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    The World written by jjd
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Cover written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry