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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Justificationsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: drowning_queen
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 245/270/52
    Words: 169
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1117



    Description:
       I scrambled out of bed at 1am last night to write this. Hopefully it's worth the sleep loss...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJustificationsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    These are the things of which we do not speak,
    those heavy, disheartened masses that sit behind your eyes,
    tug at the corners of my smile.

    These are the words we donít say,
    the lonely syllables that are relegated to that dark,
    unconquered part of our consciousness.

    These are the endearments we do not share,
    lost in years of empty sentences,
    vacant embraces.

    These are the promises we donít keep,
    never meant in the first place,
    too late to take back now.

    These are the memories on which we do not linger,
    stopped making altogether,
    forgot to sentimentalize.

    These are the feelings we no longer have,
    packed away in narrow boxes,
    left to gather dust in the unbreachable space between us.

    These are the times we realize it wasnít worth it,
    canít ever be salvaged,
    nothing left for which to stay.

    Yet still we remain,
    clawing at each other to find them again,
    and knowing that we never will.




    Submitted on 2005-04-18 19:46:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a unique piece and there are alot of things that I like about it. First let me get a few things out of the way- they are just minor points and they are my opinion and you can do with them what you will- that being said,

    "unconquered part of our unconscious."-I think it would read better as "unconquered part of our consciousness."

    "canít ever be salvaged,"...would read better as "can never be salvaged."

    Okay, when you said you jumped out of bed at 1 am to write this, I related. Rarely can I sit down and write when I want and have the time to offer the words. Instead, things come to me as I am driving in traffic, when I am trying to spend time with my family, at work, practicing neurosurgery for fun etc.,

    I related alot to your piece and I like the apathy that you portray from both parties. It is sad, it is poignant, and it is honest. Those to me, are the best pieces. It obviously came from someplace it would not be held captive.

    "These are the times we realize it wasnít worth it,
    canít ever be salvaged,
    nothing left for which to stay.

    Yet still we remain,
    clawing at each other to find them again,
    and knowing that we never will."

    ...those are my favorite stanza's and I thought the ending was perfect.
    You have some great stuff here...Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW!

    This was really one of the best poems that I have read on this site for a while. (For once) I have no suggestions for betterment. Yes, the sleep you lost was definitely worth it.

    First of all, I love the transition that you make... smoothly too, I might add. You start out with just those little "unmentionables" that occur when problems are set aside because of their unhappy implications rather than working them out. This cycle, however, begins to spiral downwards as these tiny things become larger and are soon blow so out of proportion that the original problems are forgotten, and you are left with a feeling of complete desolation and emptiness. You have expressed this very well, and honestly it shook me up a bit, as I am (sort of) in the beginning stages of this poem in a relationship myself.

    Secondly, I love how you were able to use stanzas in a set format without compromising your word usage and cramping your flow. So many poems are lost in translation because words (and therefore meanings) are left off in order to keep the format. THAT was very impressive, something I can learn from.

    Lastly (AHHHH I SOUND LIKE I AM WRITING AN ESSAY), it's just a beautiful piece. Your use of metaphors, the reality of the piece... I really can't put it into words but I am completely blown away. Thanks so much for sharing!

    ~Secret
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this alot.
    it has alot of feeling to it. it leaves you thinking and wondering. What will happen? Why?

    "These are the words we donít say,
    the lonely syllables that are relegated to that dark,
    unconquered part of our consciousness."

    this one is one of my favorites.. how many times do we not say something and wish we did?
    the whole piece is really great. i think it was worth the sleep loss.. its beautiful
    Great job-
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


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    55234

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