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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Live on Loose Leafdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1676
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 823



    Description:
       We all think we have something to say, don't we? And sometimes the words get away from us.... but that's when it gets good.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLive on Loose Leafdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ink barrels hold their embryonic prisoners,
    Until at last we release them
    To the rule of their red commander,
    The tethering margin.

    Words march across the page,
    Multitudes in perfect formation,
    Led on a blue line leash,
    Trapped by paper's edge,

    Words multiply
    Like Hebrew slaves in Egypt
    Ever increasing
    Under the rule of Pharoah's hand.

    And like Hebrew children,
    Words, somehow inspired,
    Come to life - released
    From the bondage of paper.

    They defy oppression
    Defy gravity
    Defy critics
    And non-believers.

    Because words are more
    Than the sum of their parts,
    Because they are loved
    By their creators.




    Submitted on 2005-04-18 23:00:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Our ink barrels hold their embryonic prisoners,
    Until at last we realease them
    To the rule of their red commander,
    The tethering margin.

    Our words march across the page,
    Multitudes in perfect formation,
    Led on a blue line leash,
    Trapped by paper's edge,

    Our words multiply
    Like Hebrew slaves in Egypt
    Ever increasing
    Under the rule of a Pharoah's hand.

    And like the Hebrew children,
    Our words, somehow inspired,
    Come to life - released from
    The bondage of paper.

    They defy oppression
    Defy gravity
    Defy critics
    And non-believers.

    Because our words are more
    Than the sum of their parts,
    Because they are loved
    By their creators."

    It's been said that words are ours until we develop the ability to release them, then we become theirs. No doubt that's the case with your writing (and I appreciate the irony of using paper and pen in a stone age manner, all my drafts begin on paper before final composition).

    I've read everything you've posted on the site (so far), and I'm impressed with your maturity and insight. Nicely written.

    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a terrfic description of how a writier feels about his/her work. Nicely done and I love the Hebrew metaphor. Don't see anything I would change. Nice work!

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      It's funny how sometimes when I'm writing, the words on the page have away of defining themselves, or speaking in a way we hadn't intended in the beginning. Words have a way of shaping our lives and existance, you know.

    And I guess that's exactly what happens as you've described in the first line (which is a perfect metephore). You described these words in sort of military characteristics, being soldiers standing purpose, fighting for cause and justice. They push beyond the boundries of the margins and page borders.

    Very well done.

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by vohomegirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I fell in love with your piece, I do not think it could be expressed better. So true how they can migrate of of page and into flight. Or march down led by a blue line leach. Always striving for the right words. Loving the impressions we get when we cause others to enjoy them selves with words that we have spoken. Or sent that letter that is forever a keep sake. Maybe perhapes a story that some can relate. As far as Pharo goes in this case the Pen is mighter then the sword. Can reach us at level of stories untold. A word at the right time can save a life. Thank you for putting into words how much we do appreciat them for if it was not the case we would not take the time to read them or listen. I hope you enjoyed my comment as I have enjoyed writting it. Feel free to stop by and read some of my expressions as well.


    Sincerly Gannondalf aka Big Bear
    | Posted on 2006-06-24 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this piece. it made me think of me when i'm trying to come up with an idea for a poem. sure i create the words, but soon the words grab hold of me and fuse my mind with their meanings until something comes out. it might not be the best, but its what the words want to say. and this piece just made me think of that. well done.

    Zach
    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this very much and can't find anything to critique about it. i like the visual of our words marching across the page, held on a leash and trapped by the edge. very cool!!
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, very interesting how you put the stanzas together in a powerful way...I always thought of the paper as my skin and the pen as my knife... once the knife hits skin I release in a passionate way...I really enjoy this poem...I think I will add it to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2005-04-20 00:00:00 | by SammySueYou | [ Reply to This ]
      "Our ink barrels hold their embryonic prisoners,
    Until at last we realease them
    To the rule of their red commander,
    The tethering margin."
    A grippingly powerful opening stanza. The imagery here is very developed - elaborate and vivid. Im not really too sure about the word 'barrels' - it just seemed a little mis-fitted with the rest of the first line. But then, English isnt my first language, so I may be missing the point completely... :)
    I love the irony of this poem - you talk of writing, pen poised and hovering above paper - and the reader sees it as typewritten. Word Processed, if you'll forgive the pun :P
    All in all, I really enjoyed this poem - your imagery is original and consistent, there is conviction of belief and an established relationship between the words and 'their creators' that makes this a very very dificult piece to nit-pick :)

    All the best,

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes it is said that you don't choose writing, but rather writing chooses you. When I started reading this I thought that maybe you were painting too bigger a picture of self importance on behalf of the writer. I felt like saying "Come on, who's words change the world, who believes that" and then you shrink down the expanded model of the universe by saying that it is the writer that thinks so. I guess we all have some impression of changing something when we write, mostly nothing changes, but still there is some pleasure in telling our story. There seems to be some delight in telling things that we feel should be told, and I guess we hope that it is not purely subjective.
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm having a hard time nit-picking at this one. I like it's flow and as a writer, I truly feel the same way that you have portrayed in your writing.The need to write is forever felt in my heart and I like the way you showed it in the third stanza. It does feel like a NEED, like someone (in your case "the pharoah's hand") or something makes us write even more.
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Laura Lee | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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