[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Vanitydots

    Author: Cindergarden1
    ASL Info:    18 Male Sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 43/58/17
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901

       Why don't you describe what this poem is about?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Be my guest and I shall wear
    a mask of lies and you won't fear
    Paint yourself with what I say
    Don't stop until you are me

    Come on, let's put on a show
    I swear, no one else will know
    We both need this, live the lie!
    The secret's safe until we die

    Let's pretend, let us be close
    From vanity we all rose...

    Let us dance away from truth
    Tie in sex and spill our youth
    Let's plunder, pillage, rape and steal
    I love the way you make me feel

    Let us dance, let us be close
    From vanity we all rose...

    Put all of those fears to sleep
    I am yours, you're mine to keep
    There is no need to feel shame
    You will never be the same

    We shall be just what we chose
    From vanity we all rose...

    Submitted on 2005-04-19 08:06:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Agreed, could be a great song, wish I could hear the music behind it

    The only edit I would make has to do with the last line in the first stanza...
    were you intentionally breaking rhyme scheme?
    You do it, rhyme, so well, that I find it a little disappointing
    Otherwise, the refrain rocks and the verses flow nicely
    good work, kep it up!
    Queen depricate
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by queendepricate | [ Reply to This ]
      This has the makings of a really good song man.
    You have a penchant for rhyme (i've read your stuff before). Are you in a band? You know music is only decoration for lyrics. Lyrics are the soul of any song-music's just the meat and bones of it.

    later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    The Promise written by annie0888
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Wavelength written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]