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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Vanitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cindergarden1
    ASL Info:    18 Male Sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 43/58/17
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 901



    Description:
       Why don't you describe what this poem is about?
    :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVanitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Be my guest and I shall wear
    a mask of lies and you won't fear
    Paint yourself with what I say
    Don't stop until you are me

    Come on, let's put on a show
    I swear, no one else will know
    We both need this, live the lie!
    The secret's safe until we die

    Let's pretend, let us be close
    From vanity we all rose...

    Let us dance away from truth
    Tie in sex and spill our youth
    Let's plunder, pillage, rape and steal
    I love the way you make me feel

    Let us dance, let us be close
    From vanity we all rose...

    Put all of those fears to sleep
    I am yours, you're mine to keep
    There is no need to feel shame
    You will never be the same

    We shall be just what we chose
    From vanity we all rose...




    Submitted on 2005-04-19 08:06:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Agreed, could be a great song, wish I could hear the music behind it

    The only edit I would make has to do with the last line in the first stanza...
    were you intentionally breaking rhyme scheme?
    You do it, rhyme, so well, that I find it a little disappointing
    Otherwise, the refrain rocks and the verses flow nicely
    good work, kep it up!
    Ashley
    alias
    Queen depricate
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by queendepricate | [ Reply to This ]
      This has the makings of a really good song man.
    You have a penchant for rhyme (i've read your stuff before). Are you in a band? You know music is only decoration for lyrics. Lyrics are the soul of any song-music's just the meat and bones of it.

    later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]


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