okay i liked the first stanza but then you went into rhyming so here goes my b!+ching about it in the second stanza
You can always travel to the heart At a pace as steady as your own. You can always wander lifelessly But still find your way home
the first two lines clash i mean if your going to your own heart it's always your own pace isn't it... it makes no sense... and the last two lines, if you wander lifelessly you can't find your way home. because to be lifeless you have to lose everything purpose and home included so it also again, makes no sense.
the last two seem yet again forced (heres a change) they were kinda short make them longer and maybe it will work better all in all however i did surprisingly like this poem even though it had seemingly four seperate topics and i have an idea for the title theres alot about trying in this poem so why not call it "you can try" or something along those lines it is however just a suggestion so yeah make up your own mind!
i liked this for the simple fact i know exactly how this is. which instantly made me even more mad a "friend" liars aren't good. and u made sure to show them crawling. very good. i think ill send this one to her. lol ~cat~