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    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots

    Author: darkened_soul
    Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 812/868/171
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1052
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 554

       I don't have a clue what this piece is about. It's just something I wrote in the car today.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    You can always try your hardest
    To be someone you aren't.
    You can always fight your battle
    When you know you're not right.

    You can always travel to the heart
    At a pace as steady as your own.
    You can always wander lifelessly
    But still find your way home.

    You can always travel
    Wher ever you please
    On both your hands
    Or on your knees.

    But you can't expect things
    To be alright
    When you lied,
    You lost the fight.

    Submitted on 2005-04-19 10:47:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      okay i liked the first stanza but then you went into rhyming so here goes my b!+ching about it
    in the second stanza

    You can always travel to the heart
    At a pace as steady as your own.
    You can always wander lifelessly
    But still find your way home

    the first two lines clash i mean if your going to your own heart it's always your own pace isn't it... it makes no sense... and the last two lines, if you wander lifelessly you can't find your way home. because to be lifeless you have to lose everything purpose and home included so it also again, makes no sense.

    the last two seem yet again forced (heres a change)
    they were kinda short make them longer and maybe it will work better
    all in all however i did surprisingly like this poem even though it had seemingly four seperate topics and i have an idea for the title
    theres alot about trying in this poem so why not call it "you can try" or something along those lines it is however just a suggestion so yeah make up your own mind!
    | Posted on 2005-05-03 00:00:00 | by c_jay | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this for the simple fact i know exactly how this is. which instantly made me even more mad a "friend" liars aren't good. and u made sure to show them crawling. very good. i think ill send this one to her. lol ~cat~
    | Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by dancer06 | [ Reply to This ]

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